Realistically speaking, what would you do in this situation if you were stuck inside his restaurant?

This. At least go down swinging and ruin his whole artistic vision by dying on your own terms. Also Leguizamo didn't deserve to die, he didn't even direct the fucking movie.

CRITICS RAPED MY PROFESSION!

should i do a career change like any normal person?

no. BILLIONS MUST DIE!

Have a negroni, maybe have 2.

He explains this in the film. During covid he had to seek an angel investor to keep the business afloat, so now he's trapped there, because he is the business.

People think this is a really good movie, I don't know how or why.

Accept him setting me on fire which is a completely painless way to die

Leguizamo absolutely deserved to die in this and every other movie he's ever been in.

have you seen Whiplash? modern audiences' suspension of disbelief has almost no limits. that and audiences have decided to be incredibly easily impressed

ARE YOU A TAKER?
Well yes I am
Now give me dat

I could easily kill him and his entire staff lmao. Dumb movie.

what do you call that hair style?

I'd have the cream sauce. I'd order 2

What did the chef whisper to the dude after his lamb bullshit meal?

Id probably be John Leguizamo and quote the mario bros. movie over and over.

“If you don’t go kill yourself I’m going to serve you seared and slice next course like a screaming fajita

when i realize i've been trapped i would try to do some things to anya and present doing it in an artistic way so that ralph lets me include it in his masterpiece

at least that way i'll get a crumb

I would ask for a plate of Tritium.

This, out of all the people there I didn’t really understand why he had to kill the actor guy just because he starred in a shitty movie

You're not that guy, anon.

just start stabbing that pompous ass with a fork

Well, assuming I dont have the knowledge of why, I would probably first appeal to reason, then logic and if that fails, I would rather die trying to ruin his shit as much as possible instead of burning with the rest of them. Better to be stabbed than burned alive.

The Gandolfini

walk into the kitchen and take a fat shit in the fryer, then start pissing and jizzing over every surface I could find
After that I would laugh in this faggot's face for taking cooking so seriously

I wouldn't tip.

You wouldn't have left the island...

filtered

ask for a cheese burger obviously

Leguizamo didn't deserve to die

but anon leguizamo always deserves to die each and every time

the liquid in your shit would pop and get hot oil on your taint

Shouldn’t he be killing the politicians that made that necessary?

Hanging by a thread

no no no no no anon, you can't show people taking revenge on the people who *actually* caused the problems!
no, they need to lash out at random patrons so they can make a point that those who are hurt by the system are wrong and evil

Tell him it's sad the ugly lady outed him when he was happy working anonymously in a food truck but he was not in fact compelled to do anything, his victim complex is unwarranted, and Christ he needs a better set of criteria for "people who need punishing" than "assholes, whoremongers and hypocrites"
He was never denied choices in life at any point and his misery is 100% of his own invention, he's not even metaphorically an interesting character

First call out this cringe, pretentious retard.

Secondly, rally the other guests and make clear we have the numbers and strength to overpower them.

Finally, leave a $30 tip on his dead body

I have managed to convince people who spent their lives becoming chefs that living is meaningless and they should indulge my childish murder/suicide. No actual backstory behind them individually agreeing to this will be given.

If there had been a crumb of foreshadowing or any attempt to make the story so cartoonishly ludicrous that we could reasonably view it as metaphor, I'd buy it but as it is, it's as contemptuous of the viewing audience as the dinner patrons.

I'd go in the bathroom and black up

start raping the women honestly

I'd debate over how s'mores are great

You can't black up in front of them or they might realise you're not really a negro

I'm fucking poor as shit and not an attractive, young prostitute so I don't see any way in which I realistically end up in his restaurant at all. I guess in some kind of fantasy where I win a prize to get killed by these people I'd pick up a knife and stab one of them. They're just a bunch of fucking chefs and don't even have guns. He even literally says they could have overpowered them had they actually tried.

is it?

he said the game

fuck you

A magical line of hidden dialogue that made him want to kill himself. We don’t get to hear the words because they don’t exist. Sort of like scenes where a guy approaches a woman in a bar and whispers something we can’t hear into her ear, then the next shot is them naked in bed.
I dunno if there’s a specific industry term for it but it’s the dialogue equivalent of deus ex machina.

Grab a knife hope for the best, best case scenario I live, worse case the fucker doesn't win.

I'd like a plain omelette, no potatoes, tomatoes instead, a cup of coffee and wheat toast.

Would it surprise you to know that throughout history there were guys exactly like Marky Mark, generals around Europe who would boast about defending Jesus from being crucified.
There was even Italian soldiers who said they could have fought off the Roman guards and the Jewish mob to save Jesus.

I just think that's pretty funny.

Excuse myself to the bathroom and then just leave

he doesn't carry blackface makeup on him 24/7 just in case he gets called into a bad neighborhood

This guys burns local

my beard is orange so it doesn't work for me. I know its risky to go without, but I can handle myself.