/CF/ - Clarkson Farm

No romp in the hay with Harriet scene

Too be fair, why do you need someone to turn the tractor? shouldn't they just be sat in it and the tractor on auto after you've program the field you want to travel to and the crop type?

Bongs are retarded, what else is new? Farmers are the only people on Earth who actually deserve gibs

I get there is a certain minimum degree of complexity that a tractor needs, but it does seem overly complex. From what I can find on the internet, 90% of the buttons in modern tractors are either for saving certain configurations of things (which I can't imagine most people are going to bother using because who the fuck is going to remember which of the 160 buttons in your cab corresponds to the configuration for the cultivator versus the sprayer?) or for extremely niche things that only one farmer in a thousand might ever need.

keir farmer harmer starmer's britain

90% of the work is automated

lol, lmao even

It's funny because the whole show is about how much manual labor is required for a relatively small farm even with all of the technology available now

The Lamborghini tractor he bought was designed for10,000 acre farms in Germany with modern efficient farming infrastructure, not a 1,000 acre British farm in a special heritage zone where they have all sorts of narrow paths and hedgerows and stone walls that can't be demolished.

expropriate their land and assets to who
who else is going to do the work they already do, and in doing that work extract more efficiency
its all noise, the people and governmet of britain care more about cheap goods than they do about their own local economies
after all, if these farms can no longer support themselves, its the british farmers that will suffer, not the british people

He bought it as a joke and he'll keep using it because it's good TV

Now that he has the pub, what next? A supermarket for all the farms to sell their produce to?

I mean he's using the grand tour to fund it and other shows.

kier starmer wants to force them to sell all their land to blackrock

he needs to map out the entire UK into 100 km regions and setup a pub co op in every 100 km then sell goods and food at those pubs and shops.

Don't forget that the last two episodes come out on Jun 6. It's not over yet.

Germany doesn't have 10,000 acre farms thouglbeit

morrisons-corporate.com/media-centre/corporate-news/morrisons-sponsors-clarksons-farm-season-4/

The shows sponsored by Morrisons so I can see them becoming his collectives retailer

Europe can't build anything. Stick to JD or Kabuto.

It's remarkable just how difficult and expensive it is to automate most farming tasks, especially on a diversified farm as opposed to something single-purpose.

Ex. A modern, large-scale potato harvester like an EVO 280 or 290 or something like that that can top, dig, sort, and dump potatoes into a trailer runs about €200-220K *USED*, and nearer to €250-280K new. Add in the 20% VAT and you're talking a third of a million euros. Now, that makes sense as an investment if you've got a thousand acres of nothing but spuds, but if you're planting 2-4 acres it'd be daft and it makes more sense financially in that situation to just run a digger through the field and then pay a dozen kids to go out for a couple eight hour days and toss potatoes in a bucket.

Gerald is apparently the head of security, does he have a bunch of country bumpkins riding in the back of a pickup ride up when trouble goes down?

They tried that with his new tractor

Needs to come to Austraila and buy my local pup.

Imagine getting interrogated by Gerald. You'd admit to murder and not even know it.

I don't get the appeal of watching some wealthy twat pretend to be a farmer for Bezosbucks

The wealthy twat (which you got right) is very entertaining. Farm stuff is comfy on his level, has pretty nice visuals and you know all around there isn't much drama and it's just interesting and fun contrivances most of the time.

And once you've borrowed the money to afford that equipment you've now locked yourself into one way of doing things which can fuck up later, like factory farming cows for beef, farmers were convinced to switch to that way of farming being told they'd produce higher volumes and make more money so they borrowed millions to set themselves up to do shit that way, then the wholesalers bought their beef cheaper cause everyone was doing it and now factory farmed beef has a bad reputation so people want more humanely produced beef but the farmers who went the factory farming route are now stuck doing it that way and they earn about the same as farmers who produce beef the more traditional ways sometimes even earning less, but they can't go back cause they have debts to pay off and changing the farm again will cost even more and put them further into debt

this is my favourite bit when he loses his shit over a mask

youtu.be/E_5zoBoUv68?si=de6PWhoCyfOlSkq5&t=190

what exactly makes the cotswolds the most beautiful farmland in the UK? pretty sure tolkien based the shire after worcestershire/warwickshire

Lol no, they are about forcing farmers to sell their ancestral farmlands to corporate farming conglomerates, as the UN says "you will own nothing and you will be happy"

I don't get the appeal of reading some retarded faggot's gay takes on boards.Anon Babble.org

noooooo!!!! I can't compete with the big farms!!!!! I need my government gibs!!!!

you just need to pull yourself up by your bootstraps, laddie, and stop being a welfare queen parasite

anti trust laws exist for a reason, being able to bully other players out of the market was never figured into the original concepts of the free market

Absolutely retard, you commie faggot. Farmers and independent control of farming is the biggest thing that stops the government being able to cut off and reduce supplies of food to general population. Part of the recent farming land and property grab by the UK government, in the form of inheritance tax, is because of this. It's classic socialist tactics and it also means that the state can dedicate what is farmed on the land, including no meat, and the chemicals that they decide to employ in farming.

We need farmers more than ever.

We need farmers more than ever

Do we really? What good does having a nonce ride a tractor back and forth to grow some useless plants actually provide?

Can farmers start rearing more grass fed livestock instead of growing cheap slop crops, cheers

but

muh gubment shcemes

muh subsidies

211079591

Brother. I know your type idolizes rural life and thinks hicks are super cool and badass, but you're being retarded.
If the government doesn't want you to get food, Charlie the Tractorhumper's field is getting taken from him or firebombed if he doesn't comply.

I would like the government to either self delete or stop promoting agenda 2030 and net zero nonsense

This explains why alot can't most farmers would prefer to raise grass fed livestock

not with his militia

Alot harder to do that to 10,000 independent small farms than it is to tell the agriculture minister to shut down production of the dozen government run mega farms

It's very sad I agree, I would rather they get bailed out over some gay financial institution or pharmaceutical corporation. Regenerative farming techniques are gaining traction it seems though. We also really need to block science nerds from having any input with regards to livestock rearing and management because they're so dumb that if only one chicken from a flock of 1000 gets bird flu they'll cull the whole flock instead of saving and breeding the chickens with stronger immune systems. They're also rushing to create more mRNA slop for their corporate masters to inject into all livestock

Ah yes. The militia made of fat Kalebs, incomprehensible old Geralds, and TikTok Harriets.
The Soviets did it just fine without any mega farms, Anon.
You aren't going to be the plucky rebels who win the day against the tyrants like some YA novel. You'll be the bugs scraped off their boot.

If his farm was seriously under threat he could just send a tweet out for help and hundreds if not thousands of supporters would show up to support him

The Soviets did it just fine without any mega farms, Anon.

The Soviets did it just fine without any mega farms, Anon.

The Soviets did it just fine without any mega farms, Anon.

The Soviets did it just fine without any mega farms, Anon.

The Soviets did it just fine without any mega farms, Anon.

The Soviets did it just fine without any mega farms, Anon.

How..

Howw..

How do i tell him?

who would win: hundreds if not thousands of Top Gear fans or a handful of bomb drones?

They literally did have giant party run mega farms

that will be a good look for the state won't it

Honestly I know we are supposed to hate the council, but I wish my local gov was like that. Instead they want more and more jeets to visit from Toronto.

in this hypothetical they're cutting off the food supply
I don't think they'd care

And after the german invasion of WW2, food production declined and never reached the peak production prior to WW2.

Further more.

Soviet farmers had no reason to inviolate, leading to stagnation of farming practices largely the same as they were and had been in the 1800, perhaps with a tractor now.

and you don't think there would be civil unrest?

In the US steak is the most expensive it has ever been, and the price that the farmers get per pound is the lowest it has ever been. There are several giant multi nationals that have bought up all the butchers and distributors of any scale and collude to drive the price paid down. In any other industry they’d be broken up.

mfw Richard Ham is gay and a bottom

Clarksons Army.

pretty sure tolkien based the shire after worcestershire/warwickshire

Holy fuck grow up dude.

WW2 happens

Britain realises it can't feed itself without Canada

sell extremely unproductive aristocrat land to owner-occupiers

the government makes a deal with them

farmers will work for a pittance and feed the country so everyone can maintain a cheap food policy

country manages to negate disasters which plunged other agricultural producers into famine

inflation hits and food is now becoming more expensive

the government decides NOW is the time to tax farmers out of their lands and hand all the bargaining power to middle-men who've been driving up prices intentionally for the last 40 years

agricultural minister flat out admits he wants all farmers run off their land and it handed over to foreign agricorps

the same people who call farmers welfare queens also blame them for the rising cost of food

Honestly, it feels like the political class has been suborned by fucking aliens.

park cars outside his house with the keys in them unlocked to see if they'd test them

Fo real do?
Any fun examples?

This is the biggest thing people don't appreciate about farming - it's nearly impossible for farmers to adapt quickly, especially on monoculture farms or single livestock ranches.

Ex. Your wheat didn't make milling and you lost $100,000; why not just plant corn? First off is the season mismatch; if you're in the US or UK, you're harvesting wheat in late Summer, which is already about 1-2 months too late to plant corn for the Fall harvest. Second is cost; planting another crop means more seed, more fertilizers, more chemicals, it may also mean more equipment - usually you can get away with the same combine, but it'll need to have the heads, blades, belts, etc. swapped out for stuff that can handle a very different crop; but what if you can't reuse some of the equipment? What if you need completely new vehicles or implements or have to contract someone, that's a big investment you're now locked into. Third is sellers; if you've been growing one crop reliably you've networked with different merchants for that crop and now you've got to start from scratch with a whole new market. Fourth is experience; taking on a new crop, especially one you don't have prior experience with, is complicated, you may not be as prepared for what signs to look for that an unfamiliar crop isn't doing well, or be prepared for the action needed to keep that crop going, all of which increases the risk that a crop may fail or a yield will be poor.

On top of all of this there's also no guarantee the market for the new crop won't shit the bed in four months as well, so you could go to an enormous amount of effort and sink huge amounts of capital into it and wind up getting nothing for that effort, or worse than nothing.

Makes sense

it was mention all the time in topgear.

The fock d'you mean you're gonna *march* them to fockin' Oxford, Jeremy!? That's twenty fockin' miles 'cross 'ard co'ntry you dumb twat!! Forty transports you shoulda organiz'd! You shoulda been loadin' guys up an' packin' in like munitions and wot first thing in the mornin'! Rookie error!!

Absolutely not for one simple reason: he keeps buying them. That still sends a message.

The message is that he's an idiot with total brand loyalty.

Charlie arrives and explains that they don't have enough axes, pitchforks and molotovs to supply everyone

Correct
Dilate

In the west the real value of a small farm is land developers want for suburbs. So you take out a near zero interest loan against your land that are subsidized and meant as a kick back for one of the globo homo corporations as a kickback to their political donations, then you use that to buy construction/earth moving equipment and keep enough out to pay the loan mortgage for a few years.

Then you get the land reevaluated and remortgaged in ten years to pay off that loan, the farming loan interest are below inflated so you can keep kicking the can down the road but going deeper in debt while using the earth moving equipment you bought to keep a stable cash flow.

Fuck up and get hurt or get cancer and can’t drive your backhoe anymore? Lose your farm because it’s all leveraged.

It’s cheaper to just insure your crops and play the market futures

Simpsons be like homer buys stocks in clarksons punkims and as it was in oct they just kept going up and up.

Why aren't there any troops over here?

The, uh, drone's've got in and had them--

What?

--whereas you can see the troops over there have---

No, sorry, Charlie, this has been mustered.

This was mustered.

Then where've the troops gone?

Dead. Gone. We might find the odd medic or sapper in the trenches.

What!?

Yeah. The little drones have come in and dropped grenades.

The whole bloody battalion!?

Yeah. All 400 troops.

Because of drones.

Yeah.

Well, can we shoot down the drones?

I... well, we can certainly have a go at it, but, it's quite a tricky proposition, I'll grant you. The logistics and equipment are not really... there, just yet. Realistically, six months to a year, at the earliest. You've just got to try and approach this through conventional tactics, I'm afraid.

We *have* approached this through conventional tactics, Charlie, and an *entire* battalion is dead.

... Yeah.

Correction

Charlie arrives and explains that axes and molotovs are a health and safety violation and that their farm only has a license for 4 pitchforks

Ok...

Have you thought about the licensing laws involved in carrying farm equipment into urban areas?

To say nothing of the regulations around committing what is essentially an armed insurrection

Well, it is really, isn't it?

And let's say you get all these tractors into the middle of Parliament Square. Where are you going to park them?

Do you know how many cameras and traffic wardens are in operation around there?

Look, I'm not saying it's not a good idea, but...

Well, it's really not a good idea

Let's take a step back and come up with something a bit less... treasonous

Well, yes, it is *technically* treason isn't it?

I know, it's ridiculous, but I don't make the rules here, OK, I'm just advising you to... consider other options before going ahead

Umm, Jeremy... I feel this might be the time to mention that I've been selling Kalashnikovs in the farm shop. And they *may* have come from slightly more than 16 miles away. How far is Belfast?

I bet my entire savings that you generated that (or part of that) shit with AI lmao
It's really good, though

I had to flash my tits for a good price though, I got them down to tree hundred each

Having test flown the little vintage F-4 Phantom, I made a decision... and bought THIS!

SPEEEEED! POWAAAAH!!!

Lisa, we've had an enforcement from Geneva. This is serious, now, no more targeting civilians, I mean it.

Yeah yeah.

I mean it now, you're not gonna blow up any more schoolchildren?

Yeah, no.

Cotswold pineapples

nah, just rewatched the clip and changed some words around. you can write the check to "i'd buy that for a dollar", Anon Babble, burgerton US.

yup

The Soviets did it just fine without any mega farms, Anon.

JFC, anon. Please tell you are just having a laff, mate.

Lol no, Fendt (agco/german) is the best if you can afford them. New holland/Case (globaly made) is the best bang for the buck but not as comfortable to use as Fendt or john deere.
John deere is turning to shit as a brand and Kubota dont offer equipment for medium to large farms their largest tractor is what 250 hp?