The patrician choice for best Segal kino

The patrician choice for best Segal kino

watching him beat up an army of goofy jamaicans while never getting hit once is a pleasure

Steven Seagal is fat

The chick he meets at the club in Jamaica is the hottest piece of black pussy I have ever seen

hell no
executive decision
above the law
out for justice

There's no such thing as "Seagal kino"
Under Siege is his only decent movie and it only really stands out because how dogshit everything else he's been in is

A man of taste. Best segal movie before under siege. Out for justice is great too. To bad they cut out half of Richie's story cause segal got out classed in acting.

ram charger car chase into a mall fight KINO

I just rewatched Under Siege 2 and I was left wondering how Steven Seagal ever got a career in movies. Also Eric Bogosian did a better villian than Tommy Lee Jones

It's obviously On Deadly Ground if you're a Seagalhead.

NPC opinion. Anon Babble is a birthday snatching board.

Out of Justice will always be my favorite Seagal kino.

SpaceIce's is the best because he watches all of his dogshit movies so no one else has to. I literally had no idea about his filmography and the absolute state of it until I found his channel:

uses blatant body and stunt doubles for everything physically demanding such as walking upstairs

does a fight scene while sitting in an office chair

snatches every motherfuckers birthday

loves the shit out of cookies

awkward slapfest fighting style

runs like a girl

mumbles his lines often getting dubbed over and sounds nothing like him.

nonsensical plots, clearly just money laundering scheme films

There's a part of me that almost wants to like him and his stuff; gunfights, car chases, explosions, martial arts, rogue operatives, drug cartels getting comeuppance, most movies involving untrustworthy government agencies. It sounds grwt on paper, but when its written by someone half-retaeded that just wants to molest another underage actress in his trailer, it gets really skewered.

The dream quest is fucking hilarious

no amount of contrarianism will make Seagal movies any good

The bar scene in On Deadly Ground is the best 5 minutes ever put to film

You wan de punani?

Not a single mention of his best movie

Mason

That explains everything.

There's a rumor that a couple of directors in the 80s made a bet that actors don't matter at all and it's all about the director, and to prove it he'd grab a random talentless schmuck and turn them into a star. If you believe the tale, Seagal's career was the result of that bet.

Its Under Siege and all of you are fucking wrong.

Under Siege 2 is comfy kino too

yes

Somehow this balding greasetrap got to put his dick in prime Kelly LeBrock, it is genuinely not fair bros.

His kids also no longer talk to him, so who knows where else his greaseball fingers went where they ought not too. That and several female costars.

*blows up giant oil refinery*
We did it Steven, we saved the environment!

kek

and you can take that to the bank

Glimmer Man is pretty underrated. Seagal is untethered from reality in it.

laughed pretty hard when he's in a coma and the nurse looks at his cock under the sheets and blushes

A gigabyte of ram aughta do the trick

Its pretty good.
Shame he didn't do more buddy cop movies. He was good at it

You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.

The Glimmer Man was dogshit. Easily the worst Seagal movie that got a theatrical release

Good seagal movies

marked for death

out for justice

under Siege 1&2

fire down below

the glimmer man

Watchable

above the law

hard to kill

on deadly ground

Straight to video but not terrible

belly of the beast

out of reach

the keeper

Trash

flight of fury

pistol whipped

Not a seagal movie

executive decision

against the dark

Watched some of it but remember nothing

the foreigner

a dangerous man

kill switch

easy

EASY

What did he mean by this?

cia asset

mob ties

took on the yakuza

broke James Bond's wrist

made a film about the environment before Al Gore

Defeated the Warner Brothers

called out Tom Cruise

deputy sheriff

black belt in martial arts

action icon

international businessman

wine connoisseur

independent film star

reality TV star

dramatic TV star

author

screen writer

director

producer

musician

vintage guitar collector

time keeping enthusiast

energy drink line owner

Buddhist deity

Sex Symbol

Ambassador

friends with putin

Banned from a country for being a national security threat

climbed Hollywood in less than a decade

spared jcvds life

grew his hair back

based based based

1) Under Siege
2) Above the Law
3) Hard to KIll
4) Marked for Death
5) Out for Justice
6) On Deadly Ground
7) The Patriot
8) Fire Down Below
9) Under Siege 2: Dark Territory
10) Exit Wounds

I literally stood up and shouted KINEUX

You can take THAT to the bank!

How many are free to watch on youtube?

In an interview with Howard Gorman (via Bloody Disgusting) for Predator 2's 30th Anniversary, director Stephen Hopkins talked about almost casting Seagal in the sequel. Apparently, Seagal really wanted the role and invited Hopkins over to his house to talk about the movie. Hopkins explained that it was one of the strangest experiences of his life, with Seagal showing off his gun collection and offering to launch grenades with the director.

“I had to go and have a meeting at his house. Which was one of the craziest afternoons I’ve had. […] … it was a bizarre… he’s a very unusual, slightly twisted kind of guy. In the end, I couldn’t see myself doing it with him. He was desperate to do it. I went into his house and he took me into a room where all the walls were covered with guns. He told me he wanted to play a CIA-psychiatrist who was also a martial arts expert who carried a gun. He was clearly a little crazy at the time. And I was like this is different than the way we’re going so I guess we shouldn’t do it.

“He said, ‘You know, I want you to come to my house in Santa Barbara.’ He said, ‘I’ve got a grenade launching range there, we can launch grenades together’. I said, ‘Yeah… great, we’ll do that’... Sorry, I’m not a fan of his.”

Is that supposed to make me not like him? Sounds like an absolute lad.

I have no idea. Even the staright to video ones I rented from family video back in the day from the 2 for 1 section

Its just a good story. Also think predator 2 would've been better with him being some insane cia dude.

Part of the problem with 2 is, while Glover does a good job, going from soldiers to a cop seems like weaker game for the predator

He would have just broken all the predator's wrists.

ME WANT DA PUNANI

Under Siege is absolute dogshit.

I remember watching one where he has amnesia and has to remember how to fight and revisits his dojo and meditates and always wondered how this movie went because I didn't finish it.

builds the one guy a porch

Was it Beansie?

No it isn't.

offering to launch grenades with the director.

Erika Elaniak was top 0.00001% sexo. And hilariously obviously uncomfortable when Segal kisses her at the end of the movie.

Because he came onto her despite her objections so many times it became a problem. TLJ also kept calling him Steven Seagull and leaving raw fish in his dressing room. There was also an incident where he tried to berate an ex-soldier turned actor because "he was holding the gun wrong" and Steven ended up begging him for forgiveness when he found out he was a real soldier

Dad's collection.

Based dad with degrees in Kinology and Segalogy

that shitty shop of Segal's face on Executive Decision.

Lmao, doesn't he die like 20 minutes into it?

Is that the one with Senator Trent?
I like that one. That's the best.
youtube.com/watch?v=3Jji78uEW14

the one on the boat is better, i forget the name

Why is Michael Jai White constantly seething about this guy?

Another movie from dad's collection. I only discovered this in the shed last year; I binge watched Takeshi Kitano's movies a few years earlier. Was surprised to see this DVD.

overdue blockbuster rentals

return them nigger

It's alright, I'm a member.

under siege