New Marvelslop releases this Friday

New Marvelslop releases this Friday

zero (0) hype

what went wrong?

'marvel'

literally couldn't name a single character

who gives a fuck? i want iron man and spiderman. also more scar jo prancing about in black skintight suits straddling stuntmen

we're some kind of suicide squad, I mean, thunderbolts?

I simply have no confidence in the MCU with Kevin Feige at the helm. If they dump him I might start caring again

is it meant to look like Wheaties box? Like is there a product placement or running joke in a trailer I missed?

No eternals 2 no care

wtf is that logan paul?
why is he in marvel now?

Just opened it and noticed

ingredients

So I guess, yeah. But still, why?

Could we go without capeshit threads for a single day?

Bucky and US Agent are so much more interesting than the people they actually put in Captain America 2.

Yes, actually. The fat Russian Captain America ripoff makes some quip about wanting to be the hero on the Wheaties box in the trailer.

I can't not get over how fucking bad Bucky's costume is
Everyone else atleast has some kind of tacticool bullshit
He's just wearing a black motorcycle jacket

It really stood out to me in the trailers for this how old Sebastian Stan is getting and how completely disinterested he seems to be still playing this character. He truly seems checked out and phoning it in here.

Poster looks like a cereal box

I recognized Bucky and Uteris Girl but didn't know they would be Thunderbolts. I thought it was a team of super soldiers made by the dude Harrison Ford replaced, but I guess it's just Marvel Suicide Squad.

I'll make this deal; if everyone can go a full 24 hours without posting about Star Wars, I will go a week of no MCU posting.

Florence Pugh Body Measurements

Height in Feet: 5’ 4”

Height in Centimeters: 163 cm

Weight in Kilogram: 52 kg

Weight in Pounds: 115 pounds

SHE IS NOT BEATING UP SHIT

Of fucking course hes disinterested
The writer's don't even seem interested in him
He's not even a side character at this point he's a prop to balance shots that main characters are in
You could replace him with a coat rack and it wouldn't change anything

they don't even know how to promote it
first trailer was le funny suicide squad shit
second trailer was "how do you do fellow A24 kids?"
final trailer was trying to be all emotional and profound
that poster is secondary promotional material tier, like character cards, not good enough to be the main one

ingredients: completely disinterested winter soldier (a b-tier antihero btw) with a sabotaged character arc and a bunch of other z-tier nobodies

hmm wonder why there's no hype

They were all created to be government operatives, with the exception of Winter Soldier, who was made by Hydra (which eventually became the shadow operation within SHIELD.

So nothing really like a Suicide Squad, all of whom were supervillains forced to act as operatives with implanted bombs.
These guys are all just discarded government spooks.

This poster looks like a bunch of shitty cosplayers at some con.

Sebastian Stan always has that look, that's his patented "look".

tracking 30m lower than Captain America 4's tracking, which also underperformed compared to the tracking

maybe in theory but they are obviously trying to do it

everyone deserves a second shot

I mean the Suicide Squad was obviously trying to do Guardians of the Galaxy's vibe...

I will goon to the Pugh montages on youtube but that’s about it

It's quite funny how Disney is trying to sell this as "like an A24 movie."

They know that it's becoming more and more apparent to people that they've been churning out lame, unremarkable slop for a number of years now.

They've become hit or miss to be sure.
The original arcs of the MCU had a momentum of building up to some Grand Thing, the last few years have been a "filler arc" of little consequence, movies that should have been shows, shows that ought to have been movies, key actors dying, others murdering their own careers...

What's the star for?
Who's the dork on Flo's right?

The asterisk is mean to symbolize that the Avengers are not available.
The normie in the back is Bob, the "civilian" form of The Sentry.

I don't usually find miss piggy attractive but that haircut and that make up really make me wanna smash.

This version of Taskmaster does NOT deserve a second shot.

The asterisk stands for “The New Avengers”
She dies immediately

Why is there an asterisk at the end of Thunderbolts???
Also, I haven't watched a superhero movie since Endgame unless Joker Rape: The Movie counts

hit or miss

If that were true, you could name a single hit. But you can't. It's all miss the past 4 years.

Is there some inside irl joke I'm missing about Lewis Pullman? This is the second time he's played a character named Bob amongst a group of characters with cool nicknames.

MCU and Star Wars threads are all made by Disney employees either way. Nobody likes or cares about any of this garbage anymore. Star Wars couldn't be deader, their big convention a week or two ago had record low attendance lmao

I'm watching the Falcon and WS rn. Why are the super mutts mad?

Pugh isn't even in a sexy outfit
God damn movie standards have fallen

the last capeslop i watched was in 2017
i think i have outgrown them tbqh

Didn't have Bar Paly be Yelena.

I'm hyped! Pugh is BAE.
What's the alternative. Fagtastic 4 or Superlame Legacy?

Thunderbolts* is the ONLY capeshit coming out this year as far as I'm concerned. Now give Pugh a kiss!

Five White Men, Two women and a robot

What fucking robot?
DAMN, this would have been a good movie to reintroduce Vision. Him fighting Sentry seems more plausible than any of them or the rest of them combined.

Imagine going clubbing in london and meeting Pugh and going home with her bros… imagine her talking dirty to you in that beautiful english accent of hers…

its name is a brony reference

It might be okay, I liked the fat Russian dude and hope he gets some time to shine since all he did in the BW movie was get beat up.

We'll once the lard solidifies.

I've never been a Visionhead, but always had a boner for white Vision thanks to the Arcade game as a kid.

That's why Anon Babble loves MCPugh. She can dress up and be a "fancy nancy" in public. But get her home and it's "6 packs and 8 tracks" while ya hit that (RIP Biggie Smalls).

I want to french kiss her caviar cross.
Don’t @ me if you’re a hater.
Real ones eat ass.

caviar cross

I have no idea what that is. Some Bri'ish slang no doubt.

a good ol' jolly rodgering

Now that I understand. Throw anutha shrimp on the barbie, mate!

As for the rest of it, Florence Pugh overindulges in everything she does. Whether it be acting, food, etc. When it comes to sex, she's prolly done it all.

i want to see your manager

Watch the series "Hawkeye" instead.

I watch this during every christmas vacation now. It’s not that great but it’s comfy and isn’t really tied to anything else mcu related.

*POISONS YOUR BOX OFFICE*

MCU and Star Wars are the same thing.

Marvel Suicide Squad.

Which was DC’s guardians of the galaxy. So now marvel is copying dc that was copying marvel.

I unironically think Wyatt Russell played a better Cap than the black guy in Falcon and Winter Soldier. Terrible series, but Wyatt was the only redeeming quality of it.

Trailer looked like shit, just the bored hero trope combined with maximum girl boss. I don’t mind Pugh but her and David harbor are the only ones I recognize and neither of them are a draw. It just looks like Watchmen lite.

referencing junkfood

Is this an Amerilard thing?

hey thats jim hopper from stranger things! new season releases this year

all White

I will now watch your movie

Gun to your head, name all of these characters outside of Bucky Barnes.

Yeah, I missed this last xmas, now I gotta wait another few months before a rewatch. It kills me that Hailee isn't in Thunderbolts*. Instead ya got ugly ass Ghost, worst character ever.

Yeah, I like Wyatt Russell, idk why. Nepobaby probably had sex with Kate Hudson. But that's what US Agent is all about. He's a crazy skitzo anti-commie who fucks hot spys.

If I didn't despise Disney and indeed Hollywood so much, I would probably have gone to see this as I am a fan of The Thunderbolts and Sentry.
Instead, I will torrent it when it hits the sites.

capeshit reached its conclusion with endgame no one cares anymore

Gun to your head, name all of these characters outside of Bucky Barnes.

You're joking right? Their names are literally on the box cover (image).

Also, "gun to your head" isn't funny. Suicide is no laughing matter. You are loved, brother. All hail Pugh as our new overlord.

I recall the mannish looking black girl was cute like a decade ago in Black Mirror.

I don't care for that hag. She's practically a porn star with the amount of sex scenes she's been filmed doing.

are good film posters not a thing anymore?

The previews for this actually make it look possibly entertaining, but Marvel and Disney in general at this point are so awful that it would be too embarrassing to go see it.

KNEEL BEFORE YOUR GIANT HEAD GODDESS YOU INFIDEL

#PughHeads

What the fuck is that ...

i will watch for thicc bong

diversity

Nah, I’m gonna skip this one.

MODOK (Ant Man 3)

flo pig

115 pounds

maybe when she was 12

I've got tickets to take the entire family to the kinoplex this Friday. Also purchased the Thunderbolts* Snack Pack.

It's absurd to believe these mostly powerless nobody third tier characters could fight the Sentry, who is equal to, or stronger than Thor and somehow win. I can't suspend my disbelief enough to watch this movie. It's going to be trash.

This is one out of like 30 different posters they have for this film.

It's almost funny how they're still trying to make Yelena happen, but it's actually just sad

It just plays out that Sentry has to overcome the Void. The Thunderbolts travel to the Void and help him overcome the darkness inside. It's no different than when Professor X fights more powerful people in the battlefield of the mind. The whole theme of the movie is how the superhero team can overcome the trauma of their past and find redemption.

My favorite chunky piggy

She a cute fr

Who the fuck snacks on hot tamales candy

You get to pick your candy. I got gummy bears and chocolate chip cookie dough bites

There is three super soldiers with at least equal amounts of power to captain america and a bitch that can phase through anything so they aren’t entirely powerless

You just don't expect much from a Bob initially. And then he shatters your expectations.

I just want a serious marvel movie for once man, not the constant one liner shitty dialogue
this was absolute cinema

Just referencing Harbour's Violent Night turns this into absolute cinema.

$300 well spent I guess.
Leave some white monster for Tyrone,your wife deserves.

How did this get made?

They're criminals, it'd be racist to blackwash them

Well if falcon can receive punchies by temu Hulk
Why not "real" super soldiers.
Even falcon say something like "I must take the super juice like cap or bucky"

At the probably they going to win by "buying" time for good Sentry fucking with the Void.
You're right is trash.

what went wrong?

Literally every single thing after Endgame, of course. Stupid question.

Do you guys really not know how much things cost when you say stuff like this? Do your parents buy everything for you?

Ahahah BOB ENERGY xDDDd

A box of candy at my kinoplex is $5 now. A beer is $15 with tip. "$11.99" for a small popcorn, 20 for a large. Plus tax
Tickets 10-15 each depending on time of day and muh 3D (why does this still exist holy fucking shit)

They also have food for restaurant prices

So, it's not $300, but you can easily spend $150 with 2-3 people if you dine in

Anybody else shipping Bob and Yelena? They are not adapting Sentry's wife here, and America's mightiest superhero bumping uglies with a Red Room Ruskie would create an international incident.

toku superhero crossover movie coming out this summer

heroes will likely get new cool forms and introduce awesome toys

I'm turning Japanese.

Not film.

That’s crazy. At my theater a large popcorn is $10 and a large drink is $7. Tickets are $12 but they do half price on Tuesdays so that’s when I go. Dunno how much candy costs I don’t get that.

The markup isn't reasonable anymore. $7 for a large drink when a 2L is still $2.50 or $1.50 for store brand--meh

weak

Cram it fundae.

one of the few somewhat good things this movie has going for, is that it never had horrible test screenings rumoured, unlike with the marvels or captain america 4, so this time we should be getting an actual fully finished movie that didn't get butchered out of desperation in postproduction.
another thing is that, it probably has a slightly lower budget, so it won't need that much at the box office to make some bank.
another thing is that none of the characters this time are awful or annoying, red guardian is the quippy character but david harbour is a good actor, yelena is an empowered female figure but she doesn't have powers so she'll just be a shitty scarlett johansson clone, the rest are just there.

I really like the super soldier/espionage side of capeshit (probably cause I'm a GI Joe fan), but they've royally fucked Cap 4 and this by not evening out the playing fields. A powerless Cap should not be fighting a fucking Hulk alone, and a team of super soldiers should not be taking on the Void. Both engagements just end in "talking him down", and it's fucking lame.

it never had horrible test screenings rumoured,

Funny how implicit in this statement is just how terrible these movies are—they're slop to the point that they A/B test them for consumption. When they're juggling that with diversity and inclusion quotas, and the latest 'attitude', that really says everything you need to know

I wonder if Hollywood will die on this hill (shrink to appealing to the lowest common denominator still responding to their biz model), allowing smaller institutions to compete, or if they'll walk it back just enough in perpetuity

Remove everyone but russian cap and asshole nu-cap and I MIGHT be assed to watch it...on TBS in 2 years

U.S. Agent

That’s an actual character? I thought he was just a character made for Marvel Vs Capcom

What is with Spider-Woman and this pose being her signature?

You sound like someone's Special Partner.

tfw no special oartner

It's mass-market "lets put actors in superhero suits and smash them together for CGI action", and you are upset that it's just done in the most preprogrammed way...I don't know what to tell you, I don't even understand why you persist in these threads making these observations.

The poster lied. There werent any giant octopuses in the film.

This
That can't be more than $47 worth of theater snackage.
Thanks Trump.