Sauronman turns out to be in league with Sauron

Sauronman turns out to be in league with Sauron

himler turns out to be in league with hitler

Peregrin Took took the palantír

Boromir wants to merely borrow the ring

Bilbo has a cockring

And what of good grimonius?

Lel

It's actually incredibly funny to learn the lore of the Istari and realize that two of the five of them just WEREN'T THERE for the fight with Sauron. The two blue wizards fucked off to Rhun and never came back. Imagine if you worked for a company and 40% of your workforce just disappeared. But that's what happened with the wizards. And then Saruman actively turned evil. It's basically Gandalf and Radagast keeping it real for the Valar and the Forces of Good, and even then, Gandalf does all the heavy lifting. One out of five of them actually did what they were supposed to do, that's a hilarously high failure rate.

Tool of a fook!

Didn't the blue wizards prevent tons of eastern humans from joining Sauron?

Frodo son of Bilbo

the fuck was in his pipe?

It doesn't take people anywhere. It's just a place where the undying live (in reference to the Ainur and not the Elves).

Frodo is not Bilbo's son

What does it look like there? Why are elves in n frodos island?

If you really want to know, their Quenya names are Morinehtar or darkness-slayer. And Rómestámo, or East-helper
Saruman actually was with them before he got the keys to Orthanc, and Sarumans actual name was Curumo. And both of these names roughly meant 'skilled one'.

Amazon

This slop is absolutely non-canonical anyway.

jobs to a girl and her dog

Canonically gay

where

Silmarillion, Morgoth buck broke him

Meh, He will increase his power level in the future.

Oh shut up Mairon, you were always better at manipulation than at fighting.

is that supposed to be sauron?

He was good in everything. He just had bad days.
Duh.

None of this happened in the movies

Also

learned

You didn’t learn anything, you read a fictional story

Arrogon's arrows are never gone

Tolkien is beyond mere fiction. It’s a work of art, learning about the lore is valid, there are even university courses on it.

tree with a beard

Treebeard

Thôêrìdrœd: "Our brother, Thëødèrēd, is dead!"

Ëôthörédîd: "Which one of us is that?"

There are university courses on Harry Potter you autistic mong

Its Christian fantasy, faggotry doesn't exist.

I thought sexuality was a mortal thing and the supernatural entities didn't really care about it.

Maybe you missed the aspect of twisted evil against the natural order and hate for what's good and right.
How do you think Morgoth got Sauron? Morgoth is a rapist, in the most profound and esoteric sense of the word, when he wanted to rape Luthien isn't because a sexual desire but because a desire to corrupt the pure.

Radagast being a stoner fits perfectly in this workforce

It's is not exclusively Christian fantasy. There norse mythology mixed in there, as well as Anglo Saxon inspiration.

Also, faggotry may exist... but faggotry acts still exist in Tolkien's books. E.g. Turin kisses Beleg on the lips when he dies. Not on the forehead or the cheek... the lips.

mfw he thinks LOTR is fictional

If it's not real how come I've seen it on telly?
*BTFO*

You will never have a werewolf orgy with sauron.

They all had their own tasks.

Why are elves in n frodos island?

It used to be in the west, but after Numenor was sunk it was moved outside of the world, elves still can magically sail there.

What is Numenor and how was it sunk

Turin was a incestuous jackass who can't make proper decisions nor understand when a elf qt is interested in him.

Island where Aragorn ancestors lived. The last king, Ar-Pharazon got jelaous of elves' immortality and urged by Sauron gathered the fleet to attack the Undying Lands. God didn't like that and sank the island and made it impossible for humans to sail there without a special permission.

brown Luthien

so I've returned from the bloodiest war in history where my country suffered a heavy defeat at gallipoli

what should I call the objectively evil race in my best selling escapist world created as a refuge for people's minds in these dark times?

oh, I know, "turuks"

What about blue Luthien?

What is Numenor and how was it sunk

Atlantis, God's wrath

I would like to see a film adaptation of the story of Beren and Lúthien.

Sauron is an unironic allegory of the machine of war and industrialization.

Who the fuck cares about any of this bullshit?

the "Lord" works in mysterious ways

Hehn

Vladimir goes to war against Volodimir because Volodomir's country used to be part of Vladimir's country

hmmm

meet my most trusted advisor, Lying Jewkike

IN YOUR HEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAD IN YOUR HEEEEA-EAAAAAAAAAAD
ZOOO-OOOMBIEEEEEE

my names treebeard

Im a talking tree with a beard

Too late for our time, wait until the end of the kali yuga

smiliar sounding name plot together

yeah and? it would have been a Anti-sindarinistic conspiracy theory to except that

I remember similar edits about Orc refugees. Someone post them.

Do you have permission to use that photo?

Faramir

treats the hobbits fairly and doesn’t try to steal the ring

BRAVO TOLKIEN

For me it's the namless things gnawing away at the roots of the world

talmbout Níðhöggr?

Three of the five. Radagast’s contribution (in the books, since he’s not in the movies) is to give Gandalf the invitation to Isengard that gets him captured, give Saruman his spy crows, and then completely vanish for the rest of the war. It’s arguably worse than if he’d done nothing.

What the FUCK was his problem?

He disappointed his Valar mommy
speaking of which, who's the best female Ainur?

topkek
lorefags btfo

took the fent pill

Nienna and its not even close.

Cries ad Nauseam

anon that will get very annoying VERY quick

What about Shelob turning into a goth MILF? Is that even canon?

His name is actually Curumo

She's single and the archetype of pity. Its my best chance.

I fucking hope it is

Nienna

Posts Niggenna

It was foretold by Tolkien himself and basically makes up the backbone of the entire canon

Christopher, my son, did I ever tell you the full story of Shelob? You know, the monstrous spider - descended from the vile Ungoliant! - which I used to read aloud of in our Oxford meetings of the Inklings? Well what I didn't mention back then was Shelob could also transform into a totally hot babe: all pale and dark and wan like Rebecca in Ivanhoe or what will later come to be known as the goth subculture. In fact she looked very much like the pornographic actress Stoya who will be born 13 years after I die. Christopher, I will be entrusting you with my estate. If there is ever a videogame adaptation of my work you must make sure they get this Shelob right - make sure she is what the Anglo-Saxons would have called a hæða ecge, a real sexy bitch.

Show me in the books where it explicitly states Niennna wasn't African American. Yea that's what I thought.

Sam killed a gothic babe. What's wrong with him?

The Last Kingdom book series feels like this sometimes, everybody is names Athel-whatever.

You can criticize the Hobbit trilogy as much as you want, but Thranduil was Awesome.

Varda and its not even close. She's the reason why Melkor became a goth mass shooter

I like that the canon reason Elves have such a low birth rate is that sex is such an intense experience for them that they can only do it a few times in their lives

Have you been playing Realms in Exile? I have no idea how they fucked that up so bad

based

star mommy

The canon reason is that Elves have sex all the time/whenever they want. It's only when life is made that is when they use up their spirit. Tolkien says that they can physically make a choice of when they want to have a baby or not.

humans can do that too, thoughalbeit. You have sex, get her pregnant, then kick her in the stomach (optional)

Expect a comy LOTR thread

It's filled with politics, culture war nonsense, retards who dont know it is heavily influenced by many things not just one, shitposting, furry retardation, faggots, and all manner of unspeakable horrors.

Take me back in time. This place is such shit now

Anon Babble has always sucked, you just got old

just like real life

Its the entire process of it you fucking american. Courtship is a long process and its tied to love. Making a child, they form a strong bond and both mother and father spend time together ensuring the pregnacy is peaceful.

lolpleb

no.

Borrowme doesn´t want to give the ring back

same, but it should be really weird and dreamlike with ridiculous fantastical and unnatural environments and designs and a distorted sense of space and time and with highly symbolic imagery
the exact antithesis of gritty realism

and she was a good friend

Me, nigga.

It's kind of funny western fantasy writers copy the evil overlord Sauron as some uggo Grug type when he's actually the most JRPG villain pretty boy ever.

rabu Eowyn

His bishonen version could appear in Jackson's adaptation. I think it could even be inserted into a flashback, it wouldn't spoil anything.

As far as I remember, in Middle-earth: Shadow of War he was a real handsome guy.
But he can change his appearance, what was he originally like? I read Silmalirrion a thousand years ago and I can't remember.

Did the Maia even have a true physical form of their own? Weren't they spiritual entities that could create a form to suit them, or their task? Sauron originally was good in nature and his innate personality trait was perfectionism. He liked everything to be orderly and immaculate, so I'd imagine that was why whenever he appeared to humanity, he always looked like a beautiful bishonen

wait what
pics of goth mommy?

at least in the books, wormtongue is just a nickname

Top kek

your shelob is right here bro

Did the Maia even have a true physical form of their own?

No. Bodies are like clothes to them. The word for Maia's body is 'fana' related to words for covering and cloud.

They say the majority of the work in the workplace is performed by about 20% of the staff

They have university courses on Beyoncé. Universities are full of useless slop these days, means nothing.