FUS-ROH-HIYAAAA *does a sweet kick*
FUS-ROH-HIYAAAA *does a sweet kick*
Esbern: So, this is the Last Dragonborn
*Shows JB knocking over a cart of cabbages and then going into karate stance for some reason*
Delphine: ....we're doomed
THIS......IS THE CLOUD DISTRICT
*audience shits their pants with fake excitement*
evvvverythings for sale my friend
evvvverything
Ralph Fiennes as Thalmor Inquisitor General
Tom Holland as the courier
Zendaya as Lydia
Dragonbooorn
jerking off to poooorn
fligga goo goo, rrrigga goo goo
jack black sticks his leg out and trips a stuck up thalmor with a british accent over into a pile of horse dung
j'zargo: dragonborn, what is it that you are doing?
*shows Jack Black attempting to sneakily place a basket over a vendor's head, the latter completely uncaring with a blank expression on their face*
SHUT THE HELL UP J'ZARGO YOU'RE GONNA BLOW IT
Dovahkiin (Jack Black) is at the throat of the world with the Greybeard leader (Jeff Bridges)
"Ok Ok I got it, I got it, alright!! Here we go, fus... SKADOOSH!"
"No, dragonborn! It's 'Ro-Dah'!"
"Fus Ro-Dah?"
*sends the greybeard flying off the peak from accidentally shouting at him, runs over to the ledge and watches him fall going "oof, ouch"
"SORRY! OH my Talos, I'm so sorry mr. Greybeard! (frustrated) Mammoth balls!!"
Right in the Juniper Berries!
fus... SKADOOSH!
Belethor is such a dick.
"Do come baaack."
I rob him whenever I get the chance.
*Jack Black heads into the exit tunnel, Lydia is behind him sifting through the boss chest*
"Hey Dragonborn, you missed this! I don't know what it is, but it looks important..
"
*picks up a glowing white prism*
"No no NO!! PUT THAT THING DOWN RIGHT N-"
"A NEW HAND TOUCHES THE BEACON"
"Troll droppings!!"
"Tal-oops!"
oooo my staff of courage!
Paarthurnax: Tiid krent. Time was... shattered here because of what the ancient Nords did to Alduin. If you brought that Kel, that Elder Scroll back here... to the Tiid-Ahraan, the Time-Wound... With the Elder Scroll that was used to break Time, you may be able to...
Shows DovaJack sleeping out of boredom
Kino
As a wee lad, I was raised among Dunmer....
they found me abandoned, in a basket in the Gray Quarter, took me in, and raised me as one of their own...
despite being a nord... I've always felt at home with the dark elves.... this family, is like a family to me...
Soul Gem. Never leave home without one.
chicken jockey
cast him
But then the stormcloaks told us to we were no longer welcome in their city, everyone except me...
I told them how unfair they were being, that I may be Nord on the outside, but gray and ugly where it counts...
they took me away from my adoptive parents, and put me in the stormcloak army against my will...
and since then, I have defected to the Imperial legion, where I have met the love of my life: an Orcish lass, Ghob Leena, sturdy and murderous, just how I like them...
She doesn't even know I exist, but one day, she just might...
cabbages
inb4 they put him in the next fucking attempt at ATLA live action
Is it true the next elder scrolls is gonna be in nigger land? I shan’t b splaying that along with Witcher 4 if so then.
Yes but also High Rock
Orsinium DLC with Malacath as the main Daedric Prince
struggles to unsheath sword
yanks it free
belt is sliced in the process
kilt falls down revealing boxers with blades emblem
gets attacked by bear
uses illusion spell on it to pacify it
it works and the bear just stands there
"sweet!"
starts toying around with it
puts his head inside its mouth, "whooaa look at all those sharp teeth!"
small text on the upper right corner shows up saying "Spell's effect wore off"
"Uh oh"
goes to a crypt after joining Dawnguard
"Can't wait to kill some vam-"
is interrupted by the sight of Serana (Kristen Stewart in gothic makeup) looking bored in slo mo, with Prince's when doves cry playing in the background
cuts to JB, eyes crossed, mouth open
Serana sneers at him, "Is that an iron dagger in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?"
Kek
Delphinne: Dragonborn....
I looted them from another guy! They have a very good enchant, OK???!?
How hard can this giant be? Big lumbering oaf!
[JB charges over the hill screaming towards the giant]
[gets clubbed so hard he ends up on Dragonreach roof]
Okay so pretty hard
jb is getting very annoyed by cicero's antics
pretends to be spoken to by the nightmother and places his ear by her coffin
what's that, nightmother? Cicero should give me 500 septims and then kill himself? Well, I can't argue with the boss lady....
that can't be true! *cicero pushes jb from the coffin and puts his ear on the same spot*
I don't believe it, but if mother wishes it... *kills himself*
jb: shor's beard, it worked!
Welcome to the Dark Brotherhood, Dragonborn, here is your assassins uniform.
It looks real skin tight... not a lot of room for my Juniper Berries!
Just put them on already
[JB zips up his ninja outfit and the ass crack splits wide open revealing heart shaped boxers]
Ysmir's beard!
Ryan Gosling
I still play this on my PS3
We'll start with some simple spells to get you started, Dragonborn.
This is a simple protection spell. Repeat after me.
[JB dressed as a wizard starts doing kung fu chops to the air and a high kick]
HIIIIIYAAAAAAAGH!
[puff of smoke revealing JB turned himself into a chicken]
jb finds wabbajack in a random chest
tries it on lydia, turns her into a cheese wheel
ooo mama, dragonborn like!!
next segment is a montage of him wreaking chaos among Skyrim with it, while Ozzy's Crazy Train plays on
*crashes the Thalmor embassy party
CHELLOOOO
throws rock at a giant's head
as soon as it turns around and starts angrily speeding towards jb, he tries to use the wabbajack but it turns out that it's out of charges, music comes to sudden halt
impotently tries to squeeze another charge out of it, nothing happens
Troll is right above him and about to smash him down with his club
"please let Sovengarde be real , please please please pl-"
everything goes dark
wakes up in the middle of nowhere
GOLDEN CLAW!
lmao
Thalmor hostess: ...and you are??
Come on babe, you don't remember me?? It's me ! Jacky Mede! We've met before!
I don't recall... wait, you're of the Mede dynasty? Like the emperor?
Yeahh, he's my big bro... We don't talk much, he's busy running an empire, I'm busy being awesome, you know how it goes... Hey, sweet rolls! Halt, my good man...
I'd like you to meet my partner in crime, Rha-jeet
holds out paw for a handshake
HOLY MOLY
[JB starts making wildcat growling noises]
Honningbrew mead for me, and a saucer of milk for my good friend here
soo uhh, how do you guys clean your uhhh, your uhhh you know..... lower areas?
we bathe
yeah but, do you like, use your tongue or....??
we clean each other
dude I am so confused and possibly icked out
Dude is that the new Bardson lute? Man I wish I could afford one of those
Actually, I have an extra and was looking for someone to play with. Name's Kay. Kay Gee. Imperial.
Jay. Jay Bee. Nord.
*chorus of m.youtube.com
KG: Stupid Tullius! Shoulda killed Ulfric when ya had the chance! Ya blew it!
JB: Hey hey woah. Not cool, man. You're out of the Bard's College.
heh
jason momoa jolts awake with a stupid look on his face
hey you, you're finally awake
*realises*
AAAAHHHHHH- *soft fade to black*
THIS SUMMER
Dawnguard's story should have been the main story. Dragons are fucking boring.
fat black woman is on the execution line
NEXT, THE SASSY REDGUARD!
oh I know she aint talkin bout me mm hmm
GET READY
I think every movie could be improved by a sassy black woman who don't need no man
Denounce the Thalmud right now bitch
easily triggered Anon Babbletard is unable to recognize sarcasm
Shocking
I was accusing you of being a thalmor, dummy
Jack Black gets injured in battle
pulls 20 cheese wheels out of his ass and eats them while a draugr looks on mouth agape
a dragon priest, huh? well, forgive me father, for I am about to SHIN!
*kicks the dp where his legs would be, but there's nothing under the floating robes*
plan B, RUN!
Jack black boofing skooma with the traveling kajit merchants
kajit has a long awkward hair ball cough
Jack laughs into a coughing fit and accidentally fusrodahs the whole kajit camp
Greymane or Battleborn??
Uh... Batgreymaneborn?
giant slams JB into the stratosphere
give this man ten million dollars
kek
Hagraven goes to kiss JB
[Three Stooges gag sound as he whirlwind sprints off in a cloud of smoke]
JB sneaks up behind forsworn briar heart
"Kha Li MA!"
yanks their heart out from their back
body falls backwards, revealing that it was only a farmer who got lost
Yikes, sorry bro. Lydia, remind me to send this guy's family some septims.
Dragonborn, were you watching me bathe through the crack on the wall?
Me? Noooo, no-hooo, I was just looking for my invisible dagger! Ah, there it is! I don't even remember why I thought that was a good idea! Toodeloo!
kek
teaser trailer is Jason Momoa in full Dovakhiin gear looking badass and intimidating as fuck marching up Kynesgrove to find the dragon. Delphine (played by Cate Blanchett) is already there, doesn't turn to look at him as she says "here we are. let's see if you really are Dragonborn, stranger." Jason replies "uh, he'll be here in a minute. he's having a little trouble with these uphill roads." and the camera cuts to Jack Black barely out of Kinesgrove, already sweating in exhaustion. Delphine facepalms and "come on feel the noise" starts playing
surrender your skoo-mah, cat!
khajiit hisses and pulls out huge sword
b-bad kitty!
THIS SUMMER
Good thread guys