carefully remove envelope from my back pocket
ask Chris to open it
it's a letter explaining that my chats were just role-playing and that I'm only here to make the youngster is safe
also that duct tape, rope, knife, gasoline, and 50 lb bag of lye in the back of my truck are for agricultural work on my land
Chris realizes the letter was written BEFORE I even entered the house, therefore I am 100% legally in the clear
walk out of the house and smirk at the disappointed cops waiting outside, chuckle and give a sarcastic "thank you for your service, fellas" as I drive away