she ghosted me, Jerry
She ghosted me, Jerry
thats a shame
the girl you met in the discord?
what was the last thing you said to her?
She was the one, Jerry. Our timezones synced up perfectly. She had excellent ping.
George, that was Newman using a voice changer. He and Kramer have been cat-fishing you for weeks.
It couldn't have been that, Jerry, she sent me tit pics. Tit pics, Jerry! How would Kramer and Newman have pulled that off, hah?!?
she said I gave her the "Ick"
can you believe that, Jerry?
Me, giving her, the "Ick"?
whats worse is you match with a fatty who you think will be an easy lay and you're the one who gets ghosted, real blow to the ego. Its hard out here boys
Modern Seinfeld would 100% do a joke about a long-distance relationship where her time zone is perfect because they wake up at the same time, Elaine notes "But she's on the West Coast. That's 3 hours behind us," and Jerry snarks that's perfect because George doesn't wake up before 10.
George
Or I suppose Kramer, but Kramer gf plotlines were fairly rare.
mfw
any time i match with one i start the convo with "thar she blows!" , most don't get it and those are pretty much a guaranteed lay
Costanza walks in the apartment
"I don't believe this! I just DO NOT believe this!"
Jerry answers without looking up from his magazine
"what is it nowwww, George?"
"I was on the way over here and these kids on the street were yelling 'YOU AIN'T GOT RIZZ' at the top of their lungs. What the heck did I do? They don't know me. I could be Sigma for all they know!"
*audience laughter*
"You think you're Sigma?"
"Oh I know I'm Sigma baby!"
Elaine walks out from the bathroom
"What's all the yelling about?"
"George thinks he's Sigma but some kids outside said he's got no rizz."
*Elaine and audience laughs*
"Wait, you think YOU'RE Sigma?"
"Yea? What's wrong with that? I've got a mewing streak and everything."
*extended audience laughter*
"Newsflash Gerogie boy...."
Elaine cups her hands around her mouth
"YOU'RE MID!"
Well at least they had she/her pronouns!
George: She asked what I enjoy sexually
Jerry: Ok
George: I said teasing
Jerry: A little teasing? We all like that.
George: She asked what kind of teasing.
Jerry: An important question
George: I said no you'll laugh
Jerry: I'm laughing already
George: She said just tell me, it's fine. I said ok. I would ask you to undress...
Jerry: Not teasing, but ok
George: Then I would ask you to put on my raincoat and snow boots...
Jerry: Your fantasy is to work at Bloomingdale's?
George: Very funny. I told her to put on my raincoat and boots. And she would address me as... Jerry
Jerry: You would be Jerry?
George: I would be Jerry
Jerry: Who would I be?
George: Ha. Ha. Ha. So anyway I would make love to her. And she would be...
Jerry: George
George: And I would be...
Jerry: Jerry
George: [Throws hands up]
Jerry: But why the raincoat? Why the boots? You don't need clothing to have sex with me, George.
George: It's part. Of the. Fantasy. Remember fantasy, Jerry? Being a kid and being fantastical?
Jerry: This conversation is fantastical
She ghosted you?
left on seen, left on seen!
But we FaceTimed!
Kramer and Newman enter, both giggling.
George: what’s this I hear about you CATFISHING me?
Kramer: oh come on, it was all in good fun!
Newman: I thought you must’ve known when we said her favorite movie was Fight Club.
Jerry: definite red flag.
George: but we FaceTimed! How didja fake that?
Kramer: that was a vtuber avatar! Didn’t you notice the cat ears?
George: I thought it was a headband she was wearing to be cute..
Newman shaved his chest
George *walks in*- "Its over"
Jerry: "What"
George: "You're not going to belive this"
Jerry: "What happened"
George: "She called me a Chud. A CHUD. HaaaHooo!"
Jerry: "Oh big deal, so she calles you a Chud"
George: "No you dont understand, women dont want Chuds, they want Chads. Once you're a Chud you're never a Chad"
Jerry: "Well are you seeing her again?"
George: "Yeah, tomorrow. But I can just feel the breakup"
Maybe they were Elaine's? Maybe she's in on it!
I don't think so George, she's not the type to do something like that...
Wait, you've seen her breasts, right?
Oh I saw a bit more than that...
Tell me if they're hers! Here *shows phone screen*
...
George...
Yeah? Are they hers??
These are man boobs... They're moobs, George!
M-moobs?
Yes George! Soft, milky-white moobs being squished together by two man hands! Mands, George! MANDS! MOOBS!
I think I'm gonna be sick, Jerry... But whose hands?
Let's see, they're no doubt a man's, but they look soft, and delicate... Never seen a hard day's work, most likely... Almost as if they're purposely kept away from all forms physical hardship... Newman!
Seinfeld if it were made today.
He called me 'keyed', Jerry. KEYED! Can you believe it?!
<Well, what the heck does that mean?
How the hell should I know?! It obviously can't be a good thing
the exact same thread with the exact same shitty jokes again
kys
hey whatsup guys?
kramer do you know what keyed means?
you dont know what keyed is? sorry george but that's straight up plonked
Its a George has prions episode
She unfollowed me on Instagram Jerry
George, how could this have happened? How did you give her the ick?
walks in looking like this
*laughter*
What is it about AI slop that’s so immediately recognizable?
Oh you tried Discord George? I got a whole stable full of them!
Full of what?
Discord kittens Jerry!
Discord… kittens?
G: Isn’t that some weird sex thing?
Oh YEAH! They’re sending their pussies and tits and sticking things up EVERY HOLE Jerry! Giddyup!
Sie hat mich gegeistert, Gerald
Elaine: I once got the ick from the way a guy opened /the door/
*Kramer enters erratically*
*Elaine rolls her eyes*
Nothing like Edo Seinfeld back in 2024. That there, that was a quality thread I tell you!