Oh, and actually, now I notice this is an alcoholic lager beer, isn’t it, John?

For me it's drinking through until 8am.

And you?

Their best sketch. Luckily they didn't ruin it by repeating it a million times like they did to the other ones.

why doesnt he just buy a big bottle at the supermarket and fill a flask every morning?

Because he thinks that this is going to be the last time, every time.

When you're that bad of an addict, you finish what you have on you every night. He might pass out before finishing the entirety of a larger bottle, but this way he has his early dose ready for him every morning. "Functional" alcoholism

aw dang there is a little left over

guess i cant quit yet

better get a little more since that wont be enough for one last time

If I lived alone I can't even imagine the types of degeneracy I'd descend to

First time I lived alone it was only like a month until I was walking around the apartment naked with a handle of vodka.

That was mine and my fiends pre school ritual? Routine? for ages... From around age 10 or something like that... ¯_(ツ)_/¯ either vodka or schnapps

Not pre school as in fucking preschool kindergarten you dolts... Like, before school

Do British people really get wasted off two tall boys?

My bare ass and balls have been on like every surface in this place.

Like, before school

Daycare? A fucking baby was doing that?

if you don't, you're an alcoholic.

I've been a wine guy recently
you can get a buzz faster than with a beer - which is why i went into hard alcohol in the first place
BUT you can just have it near you and not get super fucked up super fast like with vodka
so wine is kind of best of both worlds

I totally get why entire western world drank that shit for centuries as primary method of hydration

Wine is for fags

I used to see those empty little bottles all the time on my walk to the train station, I guess this is a common thing. Why don't they just buy big bottles and refill a flask, though? Surely that'd be miles more cost-effective. Is it a psychological hang-up about not accepting the permanence of the addiction?

centuries as primary method of hydration

Akshully, that's not true. I don't know where this reddit history factoid popped up.

When you're that bad of an addict, you finish what you have on you every night. He might pass out before finishing the entirety of a larger bottle, but this way he has his early dose ready for him every morning. "Functional" alcoholism

The thing I like about wine is you can drink it warm so you can keep several bottles right at your desk and you don't have to worry about cooling. Also you don't have to piss as much as with beer. I don't appreciate how much heavier my trash gets though.

They don't trust themselves with a big bottle

lmao. based.

in the skit he's only buying a few drinks at a time to restrict his consumption and try to be respectable. if he buys a bottle of vodka he'll get shitfaced and won't be able to go to work.
remember the keanu reeves movie where he's a racist alcoholic pedo-killer and he just buys 3 of the 50ml bottles before his shift?
it's like that.

an alcoholic here
Smaller bottles are easier to hide and transport. Can't sneak a full sized bottle to work.
Also - it's a part of the efforts to at least limit the consumption. Because us alcoholics we don't stop drinking till there is either nothing to drink left, or you pass out. Smaller bottles help to control how much you drink at least a little bit.
Also, as the guy above said - you promise yourself that this small bottle is going to be the last one every single. And every single it is not.
I've been drinking for 3 months now. Stayed sober for 2 days max.

be the last one every single TIME. And every single TIME it is not.

weirdly lost the word "time" there
I'm not that shitfaced yet

haven't drank in 11 months.

never been more miserable

youtube.com/watch?v=lckf6aOA0Ps

What a life.

>be the last one every single TIME. And every single TIME it is not.

this was me but with weed. for years, I'd keep telling myself "this is the last joint/vape", and then by the end of the day I'd find myself walking back to the store almost unconsciously.
been sober for 3 months but man it was hard to break the habit.

I only ever went to work drunk once and it was scary as shit. I was terrified someone would notice me stumbling about or smell it on me. Never again.

I got sent home once because everyone knew.

When you need the alcohol just to operate you stop giving a shit altogether if anyone notices or not.

Why its so boring being sober?

if he buys a bottle of vodka he'll get shitfaced and won't be able to go to work.

He's taking a nap after enjoying the alcoholic lager beers althoughbeit

For me it's FOOTBALL youtube.com/watch?v=MusyO7J2inM

I don't like any of the things I do unless I'm drunk. It turns out I'm just placating my miserable life. I can handle being sober but I don't really have a reason to so I'm just not.

oh fuck you've made me remember how two days ago I've been drunkenly hitting on an old and ugly lady I work with

jesus fuck this is embarrassing

AAAHAHAHAHA YEA

Yeah going to work blitzed is the next level of giving zero fucks. Surely they must know it's just a matter of when not if they get fired.

I like being sober because you can get excited about being drunk

I've done that. One time I worked with this milf that had four ginger kids and I'm a redhead so I asked her if she wanted another one.

The drink of kings, welcome brother

How can anyone buy these and still retain any self respect? Glass bottles and cans, sure. How desperate do you have to be to purchase 2 litres of something that may just as well be labeled "Booze".

yeah
When you're drunk the music is catchier, the women are prettier, the food is tastier, even the birds chirp merrier.
The life is so bleak without the booze.

I know a guy - he operates a milling machine - he never even touches that thing when he's sober. It's in his morning routine to down a glass of vodka before turning the machine on. One time when he decided to quit drinking and tried working while sober - he cut his pointer finger off. So he never tries that now.

I've been drunkenly hitting on an old and ugly lady I work with

Those make some of the best fuck buddies. Keep going.

alcoholic

been drinking for 3 months now

its the modern equivalent of drinking one of those XXX cartoon moonshine bottles

Lol what did she say

I think that's part of the appeal. You're not drinking socially, you're not appreciating any blend of flavours or maturing process, you're just focused on getting utterly wankered as quickly as possible and you want everyone to know it.

I just passed a year sober and I'm now angry I never really appreciated how great it was to be absolutely maggoted all the time. It was absolutely lovely and if I could grow another liver I'd do it all again. People bang on about learning to enjoy life again after a while and it's all bullshit, it's inescapably8 dreary

That ain't that bad.

It was so extremely obvious that I was drunk because it's so not me. I don't ever talk or act like that when sober. I fucking groped her, man. Jesus how am I supposed to show up at work on monday now.
Don't drink, kids. Don't ever have a single drop so you don't end up like me.

for me it's the reverse, first beer about 7am and work for 8 hours drinking (i drive heavy machinery) so 12 beers over the day then drive thru the bottle shop to buy another carton before popping thru Foodlands to get some dinner.

She just laughed.

What kind of jobs can you get away with being drunk at? I used to work security, a coworker showed up drunk one day and got fired on the spot, didn't even manage to get his jacket off.

you're just focused on getting utterly wankered as quickly as possible

then why buy cider then?
vodka + beer
1 to 1
Or is vodka too expensive in other parts of the world?

Wouldn't that be about 12 5% beers? I'd probably only drink that if we had it here.

I can drink anything but barley wine. ANYTHING.

I work in machining. By my rough estimates at least 50% of the people that work here drink at work. We even have a special room that the boss sends the wasted people to so they wouldn't kill themselves by falling into a press or some shit.

Just don't say anything at all. It didn't happen.

im pretty sure that the only people who buy the 200ml bottles of vodka/whisky/whatever are alcoholics

Liquor store employee. All of us were drinking the entire time. We had a tab for each shift and we would buy each other beers and shots if someone helped us out with something. Or sometimes you don't want to drink alone so you buy the other guy a few beers and then you both get to drink.

not me, maybe 8 years of drinking at work every day i'm glad i work for a farmer. you forget you also have to drive home, i'm a professional drunk driver

farmer

kitchen (sometimes)

It was eye opening seeing my boss brown bagging a beer while getting in his car.

I spoiled the joke myself dickwad...

Hospitality in general, behind the bar/working tables absolutely

I found it odd when you called us "dolts" when noone had even said anything. Words hurt feelings you know.

Jesus how am I supposed to show up at work on monday now.

Don't listen to this guy It was probably the most attention she's gotten in years and she spent all weekend thinking about it.
Double down. What was her reaction to the groping?

idk babies can be pretty smart how am I supposed to know these things?

How could they tell?

What was her reaction to the groping?

She sniffed her fingers and grinned.

I've squeezed her ass. She laughed it off and then quickly left. Later that day we saw each other again and she smiled to me but did not say anything.

Next time you see her say hold still and put your thumb in her mouth.

I'm a drunk but I'm not an idiot.

You're an idiot if you don't think I'm trying to help you.

You're in. Like I said the most attention she's had in years.

Man I'm telling you - I'm not a socialite. I don't have any game when I'm sober. In order to keep going I would have to keep drinking at work, risking getting fired.

You already had enough game at work. Maybe get in the pocket over lunch with a couple drinks to get a tiny bit of liquid courage -- but not drunk -- then follow up with her. Ask her out for drinks. Then get drunk with her. Once you bang her a single time BAM, hand-stamped at Club Ugly Old Cougar. You come and go as you please at that point.

as someone who drinks pretty rarely I like the 200mL vodkas

alcohol is overpriced shit

just need a few drinks without getting raped

don't want nasty malt onions-beer

200mL of Albertan vodka is $6.50

it's the only small format drink that doesn't taste like trash and isn't insanely overpriced

I like to swig a straight shot and pour a few ounces of lemonade into or something

It's miserable. I'm a year sober because my doctor said my liver tests were so bad I was going to die in a few years if I didn't stop. I have lost all ability to interact with people, especially women. I'll never have a gf again.

i honestly think I'm blessed, before Christmas I was fungiciding in a vineyard and ran out of wine late morning fucking cursing myself. usually I'd drive to the nearest bottle shop, but I thought i'd just smoke weed and leave a bit early instead (i had coffee as well). That day I was pulled over for a random drug/alcohol test (i was doing nothing wrong) driving home/bottle shop and passed all tests. no other day would I have passed the alcohol test.

Lol. Dude. I could have made this post weird for word. I'm so happy there is someone that understands how fucking terrible it is. Holy shit.

where do you think you are?

I have way more money, I'm physically fitter than I've ever been, I look better than I have in years. Doesn't matter. No gf, no friends. I only ever had those in the past from drinking. I would trade it all to be able to druk again.

how come any alcohol branded "premium" is universally the most dogshit bottom of the barrel garbage imaginable

best before

Obviously. It's in a plastic container.

That's the least of your problems.
Perhaps you missed the "blended & packaged in Sierra Leone" part.
Official drink of Boko Haram lmao

Same here dude. I got into the best shape and appearance in my life, and had so much attention from women that were 9/10 10/10 and I fumbled every time because sober I'm so fucking nuerotic and the opposite of cool and you can see it on their face once they realize they're talking to an autist. I've stopped talking to all my friends too because im so unsure of myself. I'm just a sober loner now and it's so fucking shitty I can't stand it

yeah obviously in that case it's some comically awful shit but i mean in general, the moment i see "premium" i already know it's gonna be trash

youtube.com/watch?v=XehwSM9n_Ko

I'm drinking two Leffe to get the day started.

Make it 3

Being a drunkard in Belgium is awesome because all the premium beer is local and cheap.

Sirssirs...

Absolute kino

What the fuck is a slur for Belgians so I call you that

I can't find any names/faces on their website now but ages ago when I looked the entire ownership of the company was Indian, despite it most definitely being in Sierra Leone. Weird stuff.

I couldn't be more jealous. Have a shot on me.jager if you have it

Depends on the province.

I miss pre-pandemic prices.

I prefer the term pre-lockdown prices.

Call him a wafflenigger

That little slut is begging for it.

Yeah that’s what I was thinking. That dude for better or worse does not remotely fit in here

Belgian

Sierra Leone?! Is it 6pm already?

No such thing as a Belgian. I'm Flemish.

Wait, for real? Drinking for 3 months straight is not an indication that I'm an alcoholic?

the booze store doesn't want you to know this, but not drinking is free. you can just not go to the booze store and not buy the booze

Lmao I didn’t even scroll up further before writing that but I just knew in my heart it was kadco kino from geographic location alone

brussel sprout

I've had periods where I drink every day and periods where I didn't drink anything. But 3 months is pretty long to drink every single day desu.

POOFTER CRAM!

Tell them your favourite beer is dutch (I was shocked when I learned this... why is the name in french....)

It’s not. If anything it’s a blip of a binge, you sound like the kind of faggot who is going to go full sober one of these days and pretend you were in the throes of addiction because you partied for a little while like that dry drunk man-marrying faggot Jim Norton who partied hard for a few weeks in junior college and went full straight edge for the next several decades but still insists he’s a “recovering alcoholic”

Not him but it really depends who you ask. Doctors are faggots and what they consider dangerous is pretty mild as far as alcoholism goes.

How young are you whippersnappers or are you just joking

That corona thing, whatever happened there.
The beer costed less than the can deposit, you brought the cans back and could fill you backpack again.

kek, Baskin dude owned u

Jimmy recognized the severity of his problem early and it probably scared him so he did something about it.

It takes serious commitment to be an alcoholic

I just deposit them over the border (NL) and get more back still.

Having too much may cause some boozeheads to overindulge.

Why would you drink every single day?That defeats the whole purpose of feeling good. That's just low IQ.

As the others have said, alcohol is compulsive as heck.

Horrible drug to be addicted to

gatekeeping alcoholism

But seriously, this thread of ours is one of the few honest places about drinking on the Internet. How to explain?

so, err, the OP starts with a screen grab and a quote from this old british show, then we all talk about the problem

Bill Wilson could never...

When you said "dry drunk" I KNEW you were going to end up talking about Norton. r/opieandanthony never dies.

what if I want to feel good all the time?

This is how I know you aren’t an alcoholic, just a tourist. Not saying that to gatekeep and certainly not saying that with any remote sense of superiority but it just is what it is

When you're an alcoholic eventually the cost will creep up and you need to switch.

I used to drink something similar when I had little money. Now I don't want to drink at all. Don't let expense trick you I to thinking it wont kill you.

No. What movie is that??

Horrible drug to be addicted to

Its worse than crack imo. To score crack you have to go out and talk to niggers and hobos so you are constantly aware of what a shitbag you are. It doesn't lie to you like booze does, you can't pretend it don't be like it do

Any definition of the term is accompanied by a picture of his doughy wormlike face so of course

the king doesn't need to say he's the king

logic. most truly premium brands are highly sought after and have fame as such

Yes vodka is at least twice as expensive unit for unit in england, maybe more.

Cider is ubiquitous and everywhere here.

Also mixing vodka and beer sounds fucking vile and I used to drink white cider.

Alcohol drinkers are worse than potheads.

Wouldn't surprise me. I've tried a bunch of drugs and never got addicted.

Exactly, I've been addicted to heroin, alcohol and benzos and alcohol is the worst by a far margin.

It's pushed by a jewy industry too.

you're an alcoholic if you're addicted to alcohol
if someone secretly spiked your drinks with increasing threshold amounts of alcohol so you didn't notice for months and then stopped you would feel like crap but wouldn't be an addict

it's stronger than beer and doesn't give you bitch tits
beer is for fags

weed's alright, but once you gain a tolerance it's sort of shit
opioids are the best

The Watcher (2000) apparently
im about to watch it now

Bro heroin is sublime, but you know..... 10 years later and you're like oh shit, I was basically running at half capacity.

I actually like the high of THC more when you have a tolerance than fresh. I don't enjoy it as much until I've been blazing for a few weeks oddly enough
that high plus opis with zero tolerance is peak bliss tho

depends. i drank every day for 6 months when i broke up with my ex, eventually i snapped out of it and got on with my life. i'd never have claimed i was an alcoholic.

Like I said - low IQ.

I only did oxy, but holy shit that stuff is amazing. Only time I think I was ever truly happy.

Lol, this is one of the major reasons I quit. Not so much the hitting on gross (and/or married) women, as bad as that was, but the forgetting about it until later like you've just done. The goddamned remorse and fear. Once the blackouts took over and it was like I was living two lives, it was time to get out. And you can never go back once you hit that stage so I just can't ever drink again without turning into Mr. Hyde. And sometimes that's jail or the hospital for me.

Yeah, that's the problem sadly
I've learned life can't always be a joyride
I definitely have mental health problems but dealing with them using opiates is just kicking the can down the road.

words hurt

Yeah, so learn that "no one" is in fact two words.

ask out oneitis when drunk

she accepts

don't remember

go back to being really awkward and standoffish

she never follows up

one day buddy asks 'about that date you asked her on'

now remember everything

I had a 3-4 month brush with alcoholism. It was nuts. I lost whole weeks of my life, smashed furniture and broke bottles like a fag. I remember nothing from that time, just got off work, drank miller genuine draft or vodka until I passed out and I'd wake up around 3-4am with my barracks room looking like a tornado hit it.

I fucked up so many potential relationships with my constant drunkenness. And then by the time I quit I'd become a personality of being drunk all the time. I didn't know how to live. At least now I will live. And can try women again. But I wasted a lot of years.

See it's stuff like this that's really hurtful. Please refrain from saying things like this.

I'm the worse one. I was so drunk and autistic that I was once massaging a female friend bra-less in her dorm after a party when everyone had left and I didn't realize she was into me until years later.

premium quality

100%, I don't know who would claim otherwise. Some alkies can be fun, but they can also be really, really obnoxious to be around. Potheads are usually just boring at worst.

I'm mostly sober now (drink 2-3 times a month, and shrooms once in awhile) but having had heavy periods of both booze and pot use, funnily enough weed had a way bigger hold on me and was harder to quit, but it was also a lot less self-destructive. Which is probably partly why it was harder to let go of. I was more functional on it and could convince myself it wasn't doing damage (it was, just subtly). Alcohol got me into more immediate trouble that I couldn't shove to the side and ignore. But after struggling with it for awhile, I actually have a pretty healthy relationship with booze and can feel content just drinking occasionally and not to excess. I don't think I could touch weed again without immediately falling back into a heavy daily habit though. It's a cunning temptress.

centrelink comes in

walk to bottle-o

far back right of the store

bottom shelf

need to get on knees and full extend to grab one

purchase while avoiding eye contact

"uh can i get the in a bag?"

yep its day drinking time

Depends I guess.

Like is boring, which is the only reason I drank, but I sure am glad to wake up without constant hangovers now - or worse, waking up still drunk with zero energy in you.

Heh, nifty. Living close to a border alwas has some advantage.

If alc was introduced in the past 100 years instead of being this worldwide cultural staple we'd treat it like heroin or something.

How do I safely quit?

Not drinking it in 20 minutes

Ngmi

That nigga ain’t got no pair of brown eyes waitin for him, that’s for sure

Sierra Leone?

lower dosage until you feel comfortable enough to do cold turkey.
Doubtful you can do it alone, though.

Retail stacking shelves. Half the nightshift crew at a Tesco I used to work at were always blazed. Once found one of them blacked out in the locker room.

Weed is OK if you set rules for when and how often you'll smoke and stick to them. Once you start smoking/vaping in the morning it's all over man. You don't get anywhere close to the addiction that booze, cigarettes, or hard drugs have but it's tough to quit. When you finally do stop you'll be moody as hell with terrible insomnia for a good two weeks.

Wow I wish we had that here. Closest we have is ginger wine. I mean, we get crabbies but it's only 4 percent.

When you finally do stop you'll be moody as hell with terrible insomnia for a good two weeks.

two years and I'm still not the same

My body needs a break. Need a few weeks to recover. My first goal is a sober week.
I've drank a shot of vodka and a can of beer. I'm shaking. Should I drink more? I've never did this before.

I wish I could be a functioning alcoholic and be mildly drunk all day without the detrimental health effects. It seems like it would be comfy.

How longs your bender been this time

If you have access to diazepam, that is what's commonly used to treat alcoholism. It lasts a long time and you can dose down on it.

Otherwise it's willpower and slowly tapering off. I wound up in the back of an ambulance trying to do this alone, also check out AA if you still have trouble.

about 3 months

Were you using vapes/concentrates? I've heard that slamming yourself with that much THC for a long time can permanently alter your brain chemistry, something to do with the fact that you make some natural cannabinoids (or whatever they're called) and now they're too weak to do their job.

Oh you’re THAT fag from earlier ok

You were in there, sunshine.

You should be concerned but no you’re not an alkie, it’s like you’re stealing valor

Alcohol is shit for me now. Just makes me fall asleep before I can even feel slightly drunk :(

Anybody got any tips? I have a high caffiene tolerance so that doesn't help. Maybe I am drinking too fast because I don't feel booze hitting me until like 2 hours in.

What kind of foreman lets that slide when your crew works with heavy machinery lol

If you think DT will be an issue, then do a linear taper spread over about 10 days. 90% your normal intake the first day, 80% the next, 70%, 60%, etc.

recommending benzos to an alcoholic

Yeah that’s gonna be a big no from me dawg but hey you guys do whatever you want, I’m not your mom
Captcha: STDAD

get a liver transplant

vaping ground up flower, and making edibles with what was left. every day, every hour, for about 10 years.

two years later my short term memory is still shot, I dream almost every night of going back to it, and it takes great effort to not be an irritable asshole.

You will be fine. You will be a little shaky for about two days and you get night sweats - at least that's what I get after benders, but nothing more. Just drink plenty of water and ear right.

In my experience the bad withdrawals only happened to alcoholics who drank liquor everyday for years. Like, they would have to drink to even function - sleep, eat, work, etc.

Well how would they work sober though? They literally can't function without alcohol.
If he fires them then who's going to work?

Drink until you're not shaking retard

Same reason I buy one 6 pack and two bottles of wine a day instead of a slab and 4 bottles of wine, if I have it I'm drinking it

Thanks.
Diazepam sounds great but it's a controlled drug in my country which is usually pretty lenient about drugs.

TV incels are also alcoholics and drug addicts

We really got the best of humanity in here don't we

Feel like it's going to take a non insignificant amount.

I'm not an incel and I don't watch tv, thank you very much.

incel this, incel that

get a grip

do some speed as well, you'll surely be fine

getting addicted to benzos is retarded they don't even give a good high.

i've only drunk alcohol at family gatherings and when it was gifted to me, i just dont get it.

Have you ever actually gotten drunk though?

It's such a personal thing which differs from person to person. I know a guy who's deathly addicted to smoking (tobacco). If he wasn't trying to withhold he would've been spending every waking moment with a ciggie in his mouth. But I've tried smoking many times and I just don't get it. But it's totally different with alcohol - he doesn't drink a drop while I can't stop for the life of me.

If you're honest with your doctor you have a solid shot of getting a temporary prescription for it. Benzo's are absolutely just as addictive and destructive as opiods if you abuse them but they haven't cracked down on doctors prescribing them nearly as much.

My country has universal medicare. If I tell the doctor I'm an alcoholic I'm going to be filed as such which would limit my possibilities - no drivers licence, no gun license, certain jobs become unavailable.

tell them you're really into Metal Gear Solid and just want some for the larp

Come to think of it it's a stupid system really. Those who try and seek help to quit get labelled as alcoholics and get put onto a list while those who just keep drinking are considered normal.

benzos scare me. I've had nights where I drank a LOT and browned out, but I never had waking black outs like I did when I mixed it with benzos (yes, I was stupid). like when you drink the timeline of the night can become confused and muddy, you might forget some stuff, but I generally have a basic picture of how things went and it will mostly come back if I get my memory jogged.
but throw a xanax in the mix, and it's like chunks of time just disappear. you wake up 16 hours later, no idea where you are, no idea what you did last night. you find things that suggest events happened, maybe people tell you about something you did, but you don't remember any of it even vaguely. it's like somebody else just took control of your body for a night. wild stuff. no desire to touch them again.

Depends. If you've been there a long time, are well liked, it's only a one-time thing and you're not in a position to harm yourself or anyone else, then anyone who notices will probably look the other way. All of which I assume was applicable in my case because I've seen many people fired for way less. Or maybe my sober performance was on point. Or I was just lucky and got away with it. Like I said though, never again.

Oh damn. I would suggest saying you need it for anxiety but it sounds like that would get you into the same spot. I see the logic in that system but it sounds like it discourages people from getting help.

eoops didn't mean to quote that guy in the middle of my post lol
I'm the same with cigarettes, I have smoked a handful over the years but never felt any compulsion to. like I might smoke one if somebody offers it to me but I've never picked up a habit. on the other hand, I had pretty bad alcohol and especially weed habits.

If alc was introduced in the past 100 years instead of being this worldwide cultural staple we'd treat it like heroin or something.

True, and I'm sure many would like to, but I suspect governments don't even bother after Prohibition proved that banning alcohol is impossible in practice. It isn't like most drugs where you need to harvest and process some exotic plant. With alcohol you just have to let some fruit or grain rot for a bit.

Drinking at work is a nightmare. You come next day and you've got all those loose ends like people referring to the conversations which you do not remember, things being misplaced and you don't have any recollection of where they might be. The first few hours is like walking on a mine field because you don't know what you were doing yesterday.
Like that time a woman a usually barely speak to was suddenly super friendly with me and I didn't know how to react. I've deduced that I have flirted with her when I was drunk. She also asked me how my cat was doing. I don't have a cat, never did.