The Northman

Why did it fail?

Too Aryan for mutts

too much man, not enough north

Go look who directed it, dumb euroslop.

Nicole Kidman and Anya ruined the movie

Unfortunately, most of the movie-going audiences in North America are either teenagers with their parents money to dispose of, college kids, or parents looking to have a movie babysit their kid for 1 to 2 hours. Regular adults have been conditioned to be good dumb goysluts and are expected to work 50 hours a week, mow their lawn, and get drunk on lite beer. It doesn't leave much room for "entertainment".

Why did it fail?

It was awesome and meh at the same time. I enjoyed watching it in theaters but I have zero interest in watching it again.

Nobody cares about actual films anymore.

Why did Eggy ruin his streak?
How hard is it to just call it "THE Nosferatu" or "THE Vampire"

TRVTH NVKE unfortunately

The only American director who actually makes movies with white actors?

Did it though?

If I wanted to see miserable savages wallow in filth I'd visit Paris.

The market for sword swinging tv shows and moves was extremely over saturated when this came out especially when you consider it released jus after GOT’s terrible conclusion

It was a bad movie
Can't believe they could make such a movie after Valhalla Rising

No story / shit story. Eggers got found out pretty hard since the Viking aesthetic didn't hard carry like his other ones, so when people started talking about the narrative it became clear that there really wasn't much of one at all.

Of course all of his movies are like this, but it's most apparent with The Northman. There is no "substance" to his movies. They are just like very detailed photographs almost.... good hooks or set ups with literally nothing else to them

old english family that can't speak english are exiled and hunted by a billy goat

two old english cookers who can't speak english trap themselves in a lighthouse

a bunch of swedes and danes wear wolfskin and ooga booga chant and dance around the fire

english nerd goes to russian vampire's house and then comes home (at least they actually spoke english in this one)

Actually it could be something to do with the fact that he chose to step out of his comfort zone and make a movie about non old english people

Witnessed

the narrative is not even the problem. it's just a retelling of Hamlet which has been (succesfully) done hundreds of times before. It's just that the plot zig-zagged a couple of times towards the middle point of the movie it became cumbersome to watch

I’ve seen it come up as an option to watch and just skipped it entirely because as much as I want it to be good at this point I’m so jaded I assume there’s a melting pot of shit colored characters that are as out of place as they are Mary Sues. This may not be the case but the odds are so high I just don’t have it in me to find out.

it tried to do too many things at once and was boring from the farm on. also bogged nicole kidman.
imo

drop the pseudo-theater dialogue that is inconsistently thrown around in the movie after using it heavily in the beginning

drop the conan references

drop the weird "family tree" scenes, but keep stuff like the valkyrie in and add more of it maybe as dreamsequences

dont make it hamlet at all

they should have made it a revenge story but have amleth (names can be changed) chasing fjolnir around the "viking world" and make it all about the idea of a viking and weird esoteric myths and dreamsequences, doesn't need to have more action than it did. just should have shown a traumatized weird viking hunting down his archenemy going through esoteric trials of fate and a twist in the end, they already did this with amleth's odin cult and fjolnir's freyr cult.

i think tis wasted potential and i dont get why hollywood cant do vikings, just show a fucking warrior raiding, getting lost in foreign woods, travelling everywhere from england to greece..
the only reason he gets stuck on a fucking farm and you have to watch a viking do chores for 30 minutes is because eggers has this history autism where he wants to show normies the reality of scandinavians mostly being farmers at the time, which nobody gives a fuck about.

Tbh they set up the movie more like it was a Brothers Grimm style fairytale or something and then it feels like they pivoted and shoehorned in all these Hamlet references that weren't even entirely consistent. It's a bit disingenuous to say that it's a retelling of Hamlet when there are clearly story beats that are different

anya's ass was too narrow and bony
really should have cut it out of the movie desu

i forgot, drop the olga of kiev bullshit too, all they had to do was make valhalla rising except make it bombastic instead of a snoozefest, keep a simple revenge story taking place in hostile viking age environments, treachery and getting lost, brutal violence, fatalism, psychedelic pagan dreams, will to power, end with an ironic twist.

the movie is a pile of shit but at least all the actors are white

figure out different priorities

false trailer
I thought the whole movie would be like op's pic
instead with got some high school stage drama

This was supposed to be our Black Panther

Why did it fail?

You mean aside from being absolute shit?

can we talk about how good anya's body looked in the film tho?

Eggers ran out of movie ideas after 2 whole films and immediately resorted to this formulaic slop before following it up with an unneeded and shit remake of Nosferatu

Anyone who ever praised him as the saviour of cinema ought to be feeling really fucking embarrassed right now but I fear that they've buried their heads in the sands and will make up excuses on how it's everyone else's fault

If you judge his movies as "films" and not "horror films" then he is extremely mid as a director

The VVitch

7/10 I imagine he actually spent years getting this one made and a level of effort was inherently attached to it

The Lighthouse

6/10 an undigestible level of pretentiousness that borders on parodying actual arthouse films, held up magnificently by its cast but the whole thing really is just an extended showreel for Dafoe

The Northman

3/10 exposed the truth behind all the rumours of Skarsgard not being able to act, no story, dogshit pacing, film becomes a bit of a mess at different points in all 3 acts

Nosferatu

4/10 again too cowardly to do his own take on Dracula so tried to inflate the project with fake gravitas by claiming it as a Nosferatu remake instead (the original only exists as a Dracula movie without the ip rights). Technically more proficient of a movie that The Northman, but about as dishonest as it comes in terms of an idea for a film

The guy is unironically a hack swindling millions of dollars from studios. 2 more movies and he'll be M Knight tier.

because Eggers has serious problems to create a strong narrative
horror is more forgiving with this issue, specially because Eggers is really good with atmosphere; but the moment his movies steer away from horror he gets BORING very QUICKLY

it was boring and soulless, I was actually pumped for it but left the theater immediately underwhelmed. I feel this way about all of eggers film, they are good for one watch but don't stand the test of time. every one of his movies feels like he is just trying to show off and be a smartass and not make an actually good film

queen who was kidnapped and raped is…..BAD for wanting revenge

I will never forgive him for ruining Orlok

queen in 10th century Iceland with 10 botox operations, a nosejob, a bad accent and porcelain teeth is... le good?

the Anon Babble audience are cheap fuckers despite all the game they talk.

it's honestly pathetic.

t. Anon Babble tard.

I'm not going to watch this movie because I automatically assume that it has black people in it and I'm not even going to bother to check if that's true

You are retarded and I hate you. I hope you die.

Why did it fail?

Lazily choreographed battle scene when they raid the walled village
I know fight choreography is difficult, but at least try to make it look like a real fight

I loved it, but not very historically accurate, too much "one guy takes on a whole army" unbelievability

eggers is that guy at the party

was released during peak woke and didnt get enough mainstream attention

It was like 2-3 years ahead of its time, people were not red pilled enough to enjoy this absolute kino.

What does that have to do with her motivation

that charisma vacuum is the reason why it flopped

try watching this because of the Anon Babble shilling propaganda saying its good

get a few minutes in

men start acting like wolves and howling on the ground

mega cringe, I instantly dropped it there

its actually based on Amleth who is a folk figure in scandinavia and inspired shakespeares hamlet

she used to be a slave and as queen lived a life better than 99% of scandinavia, and fjolnir was also a raider no different from his brother, she is clearly retarded in the head since she also tries to fuck amleth when she finds out, the movie basically tried to show modern mental illnesses in a viking age context or something.

Look at the context of my reply, you vapid cunt.

The Lighthouse is his best film.

What about Woody Allen?