HE RIZZED ME JERRY
HE RIZZED ME JERRY
Costanza walks in the apartment
"I don't believe this! I just DO NOT believe this!"
Jerry answers without looking up from his magazine
"what is it nowwww, George?"
"I was on the way over here and these kids on the street were yelling 'YOU AIN'T GOT RIZZ' at the top of their lungs. What the heck did I do? They don't know me. I could be Sigma for all they know!"
audience laughter
"You think you're Sigma?"
"Oh I know I'm Sigma baby!"
Elaine walks out from the bathroom
"What's all the yelling about?"
"George thinks he's Sigma but some kids outside said he's got no rizz."
*Elaine and audience laughs*
"Wait, you think YOU'RE Sigma?"
"Yea? What's wrong with that? I've got a mewing streak and everything."
*extended audience laughter*
"Newsflash Gerogie boy...."
Elaine cups her hands around her mouth
"YOU'RE MID!"
Kramer somehow ends up in the Heil Hitler video
Jerry signs a missile headed for Gaza
(Enter Kramer)
KRAMER:
My career is ruined Jerry!
JERRY:
You have a career?
(Pause for laughs)
KRAMER:
I was a regular at the Laugh Factory, Jerry.
JERRY:
What? Why didn't I know of this?
KRAMER:
It doesn't matter now. My career as a standup comedian is finished.
JERRY:
You should've told me! I could have helped you.
KRAMER:
Oh no, not even you could jew yourself out of this one.
(Pause for laughs)
JERRY:
Well, what happened?
KRAMER:
I lost it, Jerry. The hecklers, they got to me.
JERRY:
Ahh pish smishh, that doesn't mean your career is over.
KRAMER:
>No you don't get it. I Ued the N-word, Jerr. The N-word. I called them niggers. Said they used to hang from the trees.
(Pause for shock)
JERRY:
Oh my god! You can't say that! You never say that! What were you thinking!?
KRAMER:
I.. I don't know.
(Kramer sits down, dejected)
JERRY:
You never use the N-word, Kramer. Never.
KRAMER:
I know, alright!? Don't you think I know that!?
(JERRY pats Kramer softly on the shoulder)
JERRY:
No matter how bad those gorilla ass baboon niggers act up, you should never call them niggers to their face.
(Pause for laughs)
the point of the thread is to make NEW dialogue, not just repeat the originals verbatim. dumbasses
Yeah. Well the jerk store called and they’re running out of YOU
He GAPED me Jerry
What's the difference? You're their all time best seller!
>KRAMER:
>Oh no, not even you could jew yourself out of this one.
this one caught me by surprise
this better be elaine talking or i'm leaving the thread and taking my ball with me
He's mine fuhrer, Jerry. But he's also thine fuhrer!
Elaine gets an ipad
When Seinfeld was airing there was an equivalent to rizz. It was having game. The characters didn't go around saying they had game back then so they wouldn't say rizz now.
I don't know why you all think Seinfeld was a show where they just spoke in fad slang all day. The original point of this meme was that they find themselves in modern situations. You've ruined that and are just having them walk around shouting skibbidy rizz.
You've ruined that and are just having them walk around shouting skibbidy rizz.
WAHHHHHH POOR BABY HAD HIS MEME RUINED UH OH STINKY!
Nigger noise is a reminder and explanation of monkey's lack of written history and actual spoken language.
[George leans on a makeup counter at Macy's. He waits for women to approach.]
George: Excuse me, miss?
Woman: Yes?
Sorry to bother you. Just wanted to say you're lovely, mami.
Woman: [Laughs] Mami? Haha. You're crazy bro.
George: [Smiles sheepishly] Nah but my name is George. What's your name?
Woman: I'm Daniela-Gabriella. You can call me DG. Like Dolce & Gabbana.
George: Oh that's neat. You know, if you added an "O", it'd spell...
Woman: Dog! Haha! You're funny! [Touches George on the shoulder]
George: [Smiles] Thanks. I'm glad SOMEONE can appreciate all this rizz. Earlier, my friend Elaine was all "George not rizzing on nothing." As if I don't know what ladies like.
Woman: Well, what do ladies like?
George: [Embarrassed] They uh... they like... dinner... and uh...
Woman: What about you, rizz man? Do you like dinner?
George: Me? I love dinner! My nickname in school was Dinner Time Costanza!
Woman: Ok bet. Let's go to my place. I'll make us something.
[At woman's apartment]
George: Wow this is a fantastic place! You're not a New York Yankee, are you? [Winks]
Woman: [Laughs] George, you are always rizzing! I love that about you! But no, I'm a streamer. My streamer name is "DG Takes It All Down." I stream erotic live shows. It's very lucrative if you're willing to work at it.
George: Live EROTIC shows, eh? You uh... ever need male... talent?
Woman: I'm always looking. Are you interested? I actually plan to make some content this evening.
George: [Shrugs, claps hands] Sure! Why not, right? Let's do it!
[In bedroom]
Woman: Ok, George, we're live. The webcam is on. Our fans in the chat are watching.
George: [Nude] Hi, fans! DG is a sweetheart. Did you know she said your boy George got rizz?
Woman: That's right, George. Sometimes it takes a little rizz to get this... [Removes nightgown, showing her nude body]
George: [Stunned] Wowee! The wonders of rizz! By the way, DG, how much am I getting paid?
Woman: 25%
George: What?
I WAS IN THE POOL FR FR
George walks in right as she says it and looks confused
"He gaped you... what's gaping? Some kind of new vape?"
Elaine rolls her eyes and pulls out her phone to make a post on her insta while Jerry saunters over to George
"You don't know what gaping is?"
"Do I look like a gaper? Feels dirty just saying it."
Elaine looks over with a smug sarcastic grin
"Oh don't worry George, you're definitely not a gaper. You're uh...not quite 'tall' enough for that ride."
George grabs Jerry in a near panic
"What is this gaping?! I can gape! Is it like flossing?! I flossed just yesterday the kids at the park said it was bussin!"
Jerry pulls George's hands off his shirt
"George - think if it like golf."
"Golf? First we were on gaping now we're on golf."
Jerry raises his eyebrows several times
"Yes George. Golf. As in - GOLFing?"
"Ooo. You mean, GOLF-ing?"
"Yes George, GOLF-ing. And you know most men like to play the front 'nine'...?"
"Yeah...?"
"Well gaping is when guys like to play the back 'nine'. With at least an 8 wood."
"Oh. Wait - you let some guy GAPE you?!"
before Elaine can respond kramer comes flying in and locks eyes with her
"Whoa Elaine! That anal vid you posted yesterday - yowza! What a gape! Like driving through the lincoln tunnel! Wow!"
I just want to gape Elaine, this gets me every time
This has to be AI. Fucking painfully unfunny
be me
Jerry Seinfeld, king of observational comedy, spotting a phat gyatt at the coffee shop
she’s got curves like a 90s sitcom plot, absolute Ohio-level rizzler energy
adjust my puffy shirt, pop the collar, time to work the Seinfeld charm
“What’s the deal with this gyatt? Is it a gyatt, or is it a yacht? ‘Cause it’s makin’ waves!”
she giggles, I’m in, rizz game on point, feeling like the Soup Nazi serving bisque-level charisma
lean in, about to drop the “You ever notice how coffee shop lines are like auditions for patience?” line
suddenly, Costanza bursts in, bald head shining like a beacon of chaos
“JERRY! This gyatt? MID! I’ve seen better at the DMV!”
mfw George calls a 10/10 gyatt “mid” in front of her
gyatt’s face drops faster than Newman’s mailbag
she storms off, I’m left holding my decaf latte, rizz ruined
George shrugs, “What? I’m just keepin’ it real, Jerry!”
tfw your best friend’s a rizz assassin
no gyatt, no laugh track, just pain
another day in the Seinfeld-verse
Rizzed, jizzed, and dismizzed.
Nah but my name is Geor-- I mean Vandelay, Art Vandelay hehe
FTFY
Elaine get Sentry
tfw you realize that girl bosses are into sex pets
this one made me giggle while i was gaping over the toilet
doesn't elaine have an hiQ of like 150?
she's female so divide by two
wisdom
They kinda did an episode like that though, the one where George has "hand". I think it's the pez dispenser episode.
these are the people getting writing jobs these days. Sad!
When Seinfeld was airing there was an equivalent to rizz. It was having game.
You mean charisma?
LARRY: Great party tonight. Great party. Great party. But you know what?
CHERYL: What?
LARRY: You know that guy John?
CHERYL: Oh the one with the-- [she gestures to her top]
LARRY: The one with the bright red polo shirt, yeah -- he took my Funko Pop.
[CHERYL SCOFFS]
CHERYL: He took your Funko Pop?
LARRY: Yeah! I came out to get something from the car and there he was, taking it off the back seat!
CHERYL: Oh my God...
[CHERYL SCOFFS]
LARRY: I must have left the car unlocked by accident!
CHERYL: You must have.
LARRY: Hm.
CHERYL: Well, it's lucky he didn't take anything else.
[SILENT PAUSE]
LARRY: WHO DOES THAT? WHO TAKES SOMEONE'S FUNKO POP?
This one is kinda funny
[Elaine sits at same diner table as Jerry and Kramer, looking dejected]
Jerry: Why the long face?
Elaine: I just lost my job. Turns out when most of it is just being a yes-woman and agreeing with whatever your boss says, AI is cheaper.
[laughtrack]
Elaine: I'm not gonna find actual work in time at this rate. I think I need to start an Onlyfans.
Kramer: Onlyfans is a smart move. I make some great money off of Onlyfans.
[laughtrack as Elaine and Jerry look at Kramer like he just suggested going back to the Laugh Factory]
Jerry: Who's paying for YOU on Onlyfans?
Kramer: Oh no, Jerry, not me. I'm a MANAGER, you see, these girls don't know how to run businesses so what I do is I take a 40% cut— it's their holes being posted so of course they get the majority— for handling the books and also messaging clients.
Elaine: Messaging... clients?
Kramer: You know, subscribers. People who wanna talk to the girls they're paying for. I just pretend to be them and try to get guys to pay for the "premium" stuff and sometimes custom stuff.
Jerry: What... what do you tell them?
Kramer: Oh, you know, some generic flirting stuff, lots of teehees and heart emojis. Nothing personal unless I really need to squeeze a dime out of someone.
Elaine: Squeeze a... dime?
Kramer: Some guys tip after they uh... you know. Do their one gun salute. And they tip BIG, Elaine.
Elaine: How much?
Kramer: Hundred smackers every time. For just ten minutes' work. That's six hundred bucks an hour.
Jerry: Don't you think that's a little... gay?
Kramer: Why would it be gay? They're talking to a woman. I'm just the medium.
Jerry: The medium?
Kramer: Yes, Jerry, the medium. Is your phone gay because it's seen your business? No, it's just the medium! Same idea. Plus if you make up some promises, they get real excited, like offering to meet with them if they spend enough.
George, rushing to the table: This girl said she'd meet me once I tipped enough!
[Jerry and Elaine exchange worried looks]
I think Zoomerfeld is cringe, Seinfeld is way better.
woah it smells like gape in here!
Yeah? Well, I had sex with your wife!
what did you think "rizz" is
top kek
That's literally what I'm implying idiot
no you didn't
Why did you think the reaction image I posted with my comment was meant to imply?
Like you thought you're being smart for stating the obvious.
So, you admit I was right and you were wrong and stupid?
no you're stupid for saying having game is charisma
It is though
is it? doesn't even sound close.
This one was good