Realistically what would you do in this situation?
Realistically what would you do in this situation?
die
I wouldn't have proclaimed myself king of the universe, for starters.
I was just joking around, guys! Let me down from here!!!
Tell them theyve got the wrong guy my name is brian
ask myself and by extension my omnipotent father to bail me out
he's god, right? why couldnt he just get off the cross and fly away?
Use my infinite magic powers to just absolve humanity of the made up (by me) crime of eating an apple, committed by a two people thousands of generations ago, without getting myself crucified for literally no reason.
we have been letting Him down spiritually for 2000 years
Early Christians just retconned their story when their Messiah got crucified. Oh oh he meant to do that! It was all part of his plan! Yes yes
He literally does that in the end though. He's just pretending that the whole thing sucks because he's bored and he knows he won't have to do shit for the rest of time but grab some snacks and watch people piss and shit and seeth about him forever. He probably still tunes in to earth and has a chuckle
lmao they're STILL going!
another war between the jews and muzzies?? Kek, Gabriel, come check this shit out
I would sing along
Jesus was a pedophile schizo with a God complex.
Every one of Jesus’ apostles besides Peter was underage (neaniskos is the Greek word used)
When a woman questions why he hangs out with kids he says “don’t scandalize me”
Tells these boys he will make them “fishers of men”
Goes into upper rooms and washes their feet while naked
Tells them to “eat his flesh and drink his haima” (if you think this means “blood” here, see Ezekiel 23:20)
Is arrested in a public park at 4am with a naked boy (see Mark 14:51-52)
When the cops show up he says “why do you come for me with swords and clubs like I’m some kind of leistes”
The word leistes, which gets translated as “thief” is actually “pirate” and was used in contemporary texts (many examples such as Lucian’s Alexander) to refer to sex traffickers
Sex trafficking was a big problem in the Mediterranean and one of the big things the Romans did was crack down on the pedo pirates. Julius Caesar himself was kidnapped by them as a kid and afterwards had them all crucified
Jesus Christ was in fact crucified between two other leistes
There's a reason Jesus's "Most Beloved Disciple" is always depicted as a beardless boy whereas the rest of his followers had beards. Dude liked em young.
they wont like this
Jesus was a pedophile schizo with a God complex.
That was Mohammad's gimmick.
I’d say “It is accomplished”, and let Peter Gabriel’s majestic instrumental drift me away to immortality.
based
And then they all clapped
realize I'm watching nestorian heresy and turn off the film.
Scorcese, Catholic
what was he thinking
2 more weeks until he comes back, right bros?
start doing THIS
Die, resurrect in 3 days, walk the Earth for 40 days, ascend. Simple as.
ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIIGHT SIDE OF LIFE!
Well, first of I wouldn't be a Jew so I wouldn't get into this situation
Anon the whole point of the passion is christ expiating the sins of all mankind.
"delete my browser history"
What about the sins of womankind?
womankind doesn't exist
Okay He-Man.
If you pretend to be retarded for long enough then you're not really pretending anymore.
Is arrested in a public park at 4am with a naked boy (see Mark 14:51-52)
it doesn't say that thoughbeit
Become The Cross Surfer, Herald of Goddaddy.
Most translations take heavy liberties with that section to obfuscate the pedophilic connotations. Look to the original Greek.
fpbp
Greek
They invented it
it took the greek text and put it into google translate, it just says that the guy lost his linen cloth while fleeing the police
say something retarded so my followers don't make a new religion to cause wars in the future. for example
That's not how the translations work, moron
while fleeing the police
why was jesus hanging out with niggers
your translation is WRONG
because IT JUST IS
no I WILL NOT provide the correct™ one
Always look on the bright side of life.
accept jesus as my lord and savior