Why did it fail so miserably?

I kind of like this movie a lot. Is not a masterpiece or anything but is not bad either.

Weird marketing and a difficult production.
Used one of chrichton's weirdest books as source material, but changed the title so anyone who was a fan of the book (which was only written to win a bet) wouldn't know any better.

Used one of chrichton's weirdest books as source material

how close is it to the book because the movie is literally just a remake of the seven samurai. was the book a ripoff of the seven samurai?

Lo, there do I see my father.

Lo, there do I see my mother,

and my sisters, and my brothers.

Lo, there do I see the line of my people, Back to the beginning!

Lo, they do call to me.

They bid me take my place among them,

In the halls of Valhalla!

Where the brave may live forever!

13th warrior is the greatest viking epic since beowulf

I still think it's kino.

Beowulf + Ahmad Ibn Fadlan's account of the Russian, who were basically Slavs with some genetic and cultural influences from the Norse. The main character is named Bullwyf. He fights the devouring mother and a dragon. None of that shit is from Seven Samurai.

Hell yeah

How is it even close to Seven Samurai?

None of that shit is from Seven Samurai

Dont act dense. Warriors assembling a group to protect some rinky-dink village from raiders for no reward is the seven samurai. The scene where they descend into the cave to kill the neanderthal witch is the scene where the seven samurai burn down the cabin for example. It is a seven samurai remake. Except Kanbe/Buliwyf dies instead of Mifune/banderas

wait until you find out fist full of dollars was a ripoff of yojimbo

how close is it to the book

Its the first person account of Ibn as he travels to the nordic rus and gets caught up in it all.
Its a really dry read thats took me back to world mythology class where we had to read accurate translations of gilgamesh (which leaves gaps for missing parts and untranslated sections).
Its not bad, but you'll be disappointed going in expecting the 13th warrior.

13th warrior is nothing like seven samurai, you're grasping at straws.

Its explicitly beowulf you dumbass.

Actual retard post

The scene where they descend into the cave to kill the neanderthal witch is the scene where the seven samurai burn down the cabin for example

Yeah I'm not being dense, it's Beowulf anon. You're tapping into a universal pattern but that's literally Beowulf, going info the depths to kill the devouring mother. The main character is fucking named Bullwyf.

Crichton explains in an appendix that the book was based on two sources. The first three chapters are a retelling of Ahmad ibn Fadlan's personal account of his actual journey north and his experiences with and observations of Varangians (Rus+Norsemen+Anglo-Saxons in some combination, usually). The remainder is a retelling of Beowulf

"how is fist full of dollars anything like yojimbo? yojimbo is about samurai!"

its seven samurai with a westernized paint job. you either havent seen the movies or have a sub 80iq if you cant see the similarities

Its explictly beowulf you dumbass.

Retard

The marketing was completely fucked.

If the metric for failure is the mass appeal, then yes it failed. But I would argue that if people with refined taste like it, it succeeded.

Honestly the infighting at the studio that ruined the production leaked to the press giving it bad vibes so people didn’t go see it same as waterworld

Samurai are cooler than vikings so this movie is about samurai. The battle at thermopylae is about 300 greek samurai. In fact even cowboys are a type of samurai, and so are the jedi in star wars and the pirates of the carribean are also basically samurai.

Why get a spaniard to play an arab though? Did they really think people wouldn't notice?

Words mean things roger

samurai means good so all good things are samurai

Yeah, but Crichton was writing Beowulf, not Seven Samurai. If you make the comparison because a small team of heroes defend a town from an invading force, fucking Justice League is a ripoff of Seven Samurai.

It is. So is Predator.

The similarities are entirely superficial. It's like saying For A Fistful of Dollars rips off Romeo and Juliet because there's two warring clans in a town.

One coast of the Mediterranean looks much like the other.

The Arabian peninsula isn't on the mediterranean you fucking retard.

white people are a cosmic horror: the movie

yawn, it's always like this

The whole plot structure is 7 samurai down to dialogue being exactly or almost exactly the same. The fact you didn’t realize this makes it your fault

this movie is a pro white movie if you believe that neanderthals were basically blacks before they mated with homo sapiens
WHICH I DO.

Ahmad Ibn Fadlan's account of the Russian

No, his account was of the Volga Vikings, mostly from Sweden.
Slavs are a mongrel race raped by mudslimes and Mongols for centuries, not truly popping up till centuries after this account.
The russians are late slavs named after the Rus vikings, again from scandinavia, but russians are closer related to Mongolians than scandinavians.

>Ahmad Ibn Fadlan's account of the Russian

No, his account was of the Volga Vikings, mostly from Sweden.

Slavs are a mongrel race raped by mudslimes and Mongols for centuries, not truly popping up till centuries after this account.

The russians are late slavs named after the Rus vikings, again from scandinavia, but russians are closer related to Mongolians than scandinavians.

t. CIA

Yojimbo was a ripoff of Red Harvest.

Mad Max the Road Warrior is a ripoff of Empire of the Sun.

In my memory I remembered the part where the zombie pagans attacked at night to have been lot cooler and longer, was disappointed when i rewatched it.

if you pretend to be retarded for long enough then you're not pretending anymore

never heard about it. was good

third act is the first act of Predator

bravi mictiernarn